A few whapping moments!

1. Chris sent me this link. I like it, Alot, I really really do!

2. I whapped a student on his big noggin today. He deserved it. I was standing up in front of class, and heard a conversation near my desk (where no students are supposed to be ever.) And there’s This Kid who has given me grief all year, and he’s trying to plug his bootsy-assed, jimmy-rigged, piece-of-carp phone charger into my new work computer (the one with the .docx program that makes everyone nuts!) for the third time in two days.

I hauled ass across the room and whapped that big goober upside his outsized noggin. He ceased and desisted. I told him to sit down before I called his mom (who works security) to come and help me whap him upside the outsized noggin until he could sit down, shut up, and put get his shitty electronics away from my goddamned computer.

I, uhn, think I used those exact words.

3. I showed Chicken and Big T the above link. Big T says that he seems to have Alot of shit. I told him to get rid of it–that’s a bad breed.

4. Chicken told me today that she has a ‘type’. She calls it the ‘pot-smoking douchebag’ type. I asked her to please change her type before she started dating. She said she’ll work on it.

5. Chicken was doing her vocabulary today. She said, “Mom, can you believe there’s a word here with a definition of ‘holier-than-thou’?”

I said, “Yeah– ‘sanctimonious’.”

She said, “How do you DO that!”

Sometimes, I really do get no respect at home, do I? (It does help that we had the word today in class. *snicker*)

6. I got Zoomboy and Chicken today, and they’d walked about a block and a half from school. (They do that when I’m a little late.) Zoomboy had to pee. Really really bad.

I stopped at the nearest fast food restaurant (Carl’s Jr., of the kick-ass banana-chocolate chip shake–no, I didn’t drink one, but I did gaze longingly at the one Chicken gota) and Zoomboy and I ran inside so Zoomboy could go inside the men’s room and pee.

“Ahhh… ohhh… ooooooohh… oh boy… ahhhhhhh… aaaaaaaahhhhhh….”

Yep folks. That was my son. At a public restroom. I leaned against the wall in the hallway and laughed until my stomach hurt. OMG– this kid and bathrooms–there oughtabe a law!

7. I am working, at present, six pairs of socks. I’m so doomed.

And that’s about all for a driveby posting… oh yeah. Wait.

General consensus is that showers and licked dangly bits are a far preferable mix. And in the course of the debate I remembered this particular story:

Mate and I once made an ill-advised cross-country bus trip during the summer. The bus that we were taking from Chicago to Philly (I think–it was nearly 20 years ago) got over crowded, and the a/c broke down. If you can imagine the sweat-fest caused by that situation in 100 degree heat/ 90 % humidity, be my guest. Anyway, when we got off the bus, Mate called his dad in Philly and told him, “Yeah, Amy’s in the bathroom, trying to get cleaned up.”

Mate’s new stepmother was from Wales–she said, “Isn’t that lovely, that bus stations in the states have such wonderful facilities.”

That’s when Mate had to explain that I was standing on a toilet, trying to freshen my pits with boraxo and a wet bandana.

Yup, folks, I’ve got to say, if I’m running the world, there’s gonna be showers.

0 thoughts on “A few whapping moments!”

  1. Mardel says:

    What's boraxo?

    And…I loved that link, that blogger was so funny. I wonder how she? he? feels about a-lot? 'cause I think I write it like that, I might have even combined them like alot. yeah, i did.

    Your kids are very cute – your descriptions of their antics are hellacute (another made up animal?)

    Do you teach in high school? cause kids don't seem to mind when their high school teachers swear. I work in an afterschool program (elementary) and have been having a very hard time with NOT swearing, the words, they just sneak out of my mouth!

  2. Louiz says:

    Have you ever seen a British public transport washroom? Trust me, 20 odd years ago that sounds like luxury!

  3. You've completely made my day. Now I have a new blog to read that is hysterial and my pet alot will be happy.

  4. Donna Lee says:

    As I go to knit night straight from the gym, I, too, am in strong favor of showers (as are the women I knit with I'd imagine!).

    At least there wasn't a dead guy on your bus. It seems that yesterday there was a dead guy riding one of the busses here through the whole route. Only in Philadelphia……

  5. Chris says:

    You're very welcome! That woman's a genius.

    Dear Chicken: Please, change your type before you start dating, or avoid your "type". Trust me on this one. Voice of experience.

    And you've reminded me why I dislike riding the bus long distances…

  6. roxie says:

    You had a wet bandana? What luxury! I've had to use those restroom paper-towels that are so rough and cheap they have pieces of bark in them. You can get splinters if you'r not careful. And Boraxo is really hard on the girly bits.

    In our city you can get repercussions from giving incipient concussions to even the most cussed lil' busters. A policeman lost his job for shooting a 12 year old girl with a bean bag round. She weighed 130, was 5ft 6, and was punching, biting, kicking and resisting with everything she had. She was being restrained from assaulting a woman on the bus mall. There's a lot of ivory tower bleeding hearts around here. Now the cop is out of work, and that feral teen is back on the streets.

    Zoomboy is just a hoot!!

  7. Galad says:

    My Alot spends a great deal of time playing games on the computer. We get along just fine.

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