You see, I didn’t realize I’d entered the dragon’s cave. I didn’t. I was just working. Just doing my job. Just striving for that 2-3k a day. And then it was 4-5K, and then I was up until two in the morning, several days in a row.
And the foot hurt and I couldn’t pull my head out, and I hadn’t seen my kids even though they were right there next to me and…
I was a little lost.
But I finished the novella (my DSP Christmas offering, if they take it) and it was short and sweet and odd–because it also hurt–and I was torn between “Yes! Yes! This is exactly how it was supposed to be!” and “I don’t know, it sort of wrote itself, is it any good? Do I need to go back and gut it? Make it longer? (It’s 40K) Should it be a novel? Should I strip it down? Why can I not see it any way but how it is?“
And even though it’s submitted, I’m a little lost.
My foot flared up, and I’ve spent two days at the pool, but I really can’t do housework right now. So I… what? I sit? Next to my husband? And knit? I could catch up on my correspondence (and there’s a lot of it) but I’m not quite in this world yet, so I can’t seem to put my thoughts in order.
Did I mention I’m a little lost?
I’ve got a picnic planned with the kids and their friends on Thursday– yes. An anchor. I can plan that. Food, drink, dessert. I can do that. But I don’t really need to make anything until Wednesday night/Thursday morning, so until then…
I mean, I should find myself by Thursday, right?
Tomorrow I should be able to do housework. Maybe that will work. Maybe if I excavate my desk and fold some clothes and make the kids go outside and play and take the dog for a walk, maybe I will know where I am.
The kids leave on Friday, going with my parents until Wednesday so Mate and I can go to San Francisco and he can run the half marathon. I hope I find myself by then, or I will be lost in SF and he will be running for 13 miles and I will be doing my 5K wander to try to find him… will I be found then?
Will I find myself in San Francisco because I left my brain at my kitchen table?
That would be nice, because right now, I’m still with Adam and Finn, wandering in and out of their world and their dialog, wondering, “Did I do it right? Have I tied up every knot? What about John? Is he okay? Kee and Emm? Yeah. Walter and Nate? Oh I hope so– they’re already on presale. And… and… oh my God! What about Mackey! Should I start marketing for Mackey? Should I? Will I do enough? Will I do too much? Did I forget about marketing while I was caught in my writing haze?
Where am I again?
I’m home. It needs cleaning. The kids need a lap and a cuddle. Jurassic Park is on. My correspondence can wait. I have nothing to work on right now. Work is done for the evening.
I’m sorry. I was rambling. You see, I’m a little lost.