A whole lot of random…

Sorry about no blog last night–I basically fell asleep at surprise o’clock, and no work got done. Today was kind of full, mostly of weirdness that I shall share–

So here goes…

*  First of all, I’m an idiot. I try to be plain about this, but every now and then a situation arises that makes it hard to avoid my idiocy.

Such as forgetting whether my iPhone is a 6, a 6S, or a 6S Plus.  And then ordering the wrong faceplate from the faceplate factory. And then having to explain what an idiot I am to the poor stranger on the other end of the chat box.

Seriously–I”m going to add that to the next Winter Ball installment. Skipper and Carpenter are going to be using chat boxes instead of telephones, and some idiot woman is going to be freaking out because she ordered the wrong product and can’t remember which one she DID order, and Carpenter is going to be like, “Lady, did you remember to breathe when you woke up this morning? Cause if not, you got bigger things to worry about than our product!”

This scene has got to happen. I’m saying.

* ZoomBoy worked VERY hard to earn back his demerits from all the tardies he and his dad earned, so he gets to go on his trip to Sunsplash tomorrow. Today, I asked him if he had any flip flops and he came back with two completely different shoes.

“Is this okay?”

“Only if you want to get teased about this for the rest of your public school career.”

“We only have ten days of school left.”

“Oh, baby– something like this will dog you until graduation.”

“That’s okay. I don’t mind.”

“Could you at least look?”

“Fine.”

*  We tried for an entire twenty-minutes to watch the new version of Dirty Dancing tonight. About the time we got to the Starship Captain having erectile dysfunction and Haley from Modern Family growing a brain, and all of the nuance and subtlety that made the original something special put into clanky exposition because nobody understands how to critically think about dialog anymore, we decided to watch Muppet Christmas Carol instead.

“Ah, yes,” I said. “That movie is like a balm to my soul.”

Mate gave me a wounded look. “I thought you liked this movie!”

“I do!”

“But you just said it was a bomb!”

“Balm. B*A*L*M. Not bomb!”


“Oh!”

And at this point, Squish got in on the act. “But what’s that? What’s it doing to your soul?”

And Mate said, “It’s a salve.”  It sounded like, “sav”.

“I don’t know what that is either.”

“It’s like burn ointment,” I said, wanting to get to the singing. “So like aloe vera for my soul.”

“Okay. Are you sure we can’t watch the new Ghostbusters?”

“Yes! Yes I’m sure!”

“Fine.”

*  Also. I am a bad parent. I completely blew up at Squish over something trivial, and we all learned a very big lesson.

The very big lesson of, “If you ask Mommy to sing “Star Spangled Banner” with you, and then correct how she said ‘o’er’ RIGHT BEFORE Mommy is supposed to hit the high note, Mommy will irrationally lose her shit all over you in the minivan, and your life will be meaningless as you know it.”

Yes. We all learned this lesson.

I learned not to sing the “Star Spangled Banner.” Ever.

She learned not to correct people on their word choice until the song is over. Holy Jebus, that ticked me off.

And now you know.      

* Oh. Mate and I are watching American Gods, which is a STARZ Network movie, and has lots of full frontal nudity and sex.

Some of this sex is M/M.

So, say, the Ifreet scene in the “Head Full of Snow” episode, which features an Ifreet who says he doesn’t grant wishes. But, well, let’s just say he’s ENDOWED enough go grant a couple of wishes just by, well, taking off his clothes.

So, watching this, eyes wide, mouth open, entire body on OMG GAY SEX IS HAPPING IN FRONT OF ME HURRAY, and Mate goes, “Enjoying yourself?”

“Yes. Yes I am.”

“I’m glad to see it.”

“You get Bilqis and Laura. I get Shadow and the Ifreet.”

“That’s fine.”

“We both get Ian McShane, because he’s wonderful.”

“I totally understand.”

“This show is awesome.”

“Yes, yes it is.”      

Seriously– you should watch it. A-MA-ZING.

And on that note, off to bed!