So, I had just gotten into the car to drive home from Yaoi-Con on Sunday night, and I just happened to notice…
… That I’d been wearing my shoes for twelve hours. Now these are really comfy shoes, but no shoes should be worn for twelve hours, and a little irritation on the top of my foot suddenly, just as I was pulling onto the freeway to 101, became unbearable. In that moment, I could feel every flake of dead skin, every corrugation of canvas, every half-dried drop of sweat, every tiny pressure point on the bottom, every abused atom of my feet as it was being hyper stimulated by air and the gas and brake peddle.
I almost wrecked the car.
ADHD people know what I’m talking about. The thing starts the spiral of the thing which makes the thing get worse than the thing and the other thing builds up and the thing hurts and the thing bothers you and every little tiny brainwave narrows down to obsess about the freaking thing!
I was seriously so obsessed a about the thing that when I finally pulled off the road after an hour so I could change my shoes, I almost wet my pants. Apparently there was another thing I’d neglected to obsess about while I was obsessing about the thing.
Jebus. Next time I notice my freaking feet, I’ll change my shoes immediately.
And the other day I was in line at McDonalds, and I just happened to notice…
The truck in front of me wasn’t giving money to the girl in the counter. It was giving pizzas. Three Costco pizzas. And grapes. And some oranges.
And I shit you not, nobody would fess up. “So! You guys having a party?”
“I”m sorry? That’ll be five-sixty-two ma’am!”
Seriously– next time I go to McDonald’s, I want a pizza. And some grapes.
So, I was driving into my neighborhood and I just happened to notice…
The lady walking two dogs. One of them was a Great Dane and the other was a snack. Or, you know, just small enough to be a snack. A Chihuahua, that was literally half the size of Johnnie. It’s about the size of the Great Dane’s jaw.
I wonder if those dogs are buddies, or if one day, the little one is just going to disappear. I’m sayin’. It could happen.
So, the kids were bitching at each other in the back of the car, and I just happened to notice…
That the bitchier they are at each other, the more likely they are to sit next to each other. What the hell is that? I mean seriously– is it so when they pull off the gloves and get ready to beat each other like cookie dough, they’re in proximity? I don’t know, but there’s a reason the station wagon was so beloved. You get a mother in there with some reach, and she could take most of the kids out with one swing.
Oh– and this one is bad.
There is a Safeway near my house that sometimes allows people to fundraise. Girl Scouts do it, soccer teams do it, Catholic churches do it– and two boys, one around six, and the other either his very young father or his older brother–do it. The boys are black.
So, I was in Safeway when I just happened to notice…
A security guard swaggers in and tells the check out girl, “I keep telling those people they can’t do that here. I need to go call the police but the cops don’t care.”
The girl goes, “The kids selling chocolate? Aw…” It was obvious her sympathy was all for the kids– because I’ve seen them before. They’re polite, they’re neat, the candy looks good quality, and they’re not pushy. They also stand across the little street on the verge, so they’re never in your face. I’ve bought candy a could of times, and they never try to sell you more than you want– I like that in a fundraiser myself.
So I go outside, signal the kids over, and pull out my wallet. And while I”m buying five dollars worth of candy, the woman who was behind me in the check out line comes up and buys more candy and gives it to me. And both of us look at the security guard–who has just come out and was heading for the guys before he saw us–like he can go piss up a rope.
Because Jesus, how hard is it to just happen to notice that this situation was all kinds of fucked up. I’ve never, not once, seen the Catholic church rousted from fundraising right next to the store.
Well, that last one sucked, but that’s about all… oh… wait… I’ve got one more…