Okay… health still bad, doc still puzzled, only now they’re throwing out scary words like ‘malignancy’ and ‘colonoscopy’ and I’m trying to keep my cool even as I keep you posted. That being said, I’m going on to some random stuff that has made me happy in the last couple of days…
*** I got stuck between Borat and two clones of my 6th period class nightmare kids today… it was actually pretty frickin’ hilarious because they were both having conversations at the same time–and that Borat dude was having his with anyone who would listen…
(Imagine thick Eastern European Accent–from hereon, EEA) So, I don’t think those whales are going to go back…
(Blonde clones) So Sunday’s your birthday? Dude, we so have to party…
(EEA) I think we’re just going to have pour ice on them and fly them to Alaska or something…
(Blonde clones) And I’m so glad I didn’t go to my 2nd period class because, dude, everyone got kicked out…
(EEA) I mean, what is the big deal right, the whales will go home when they are ready, right?
(Blonde clones) And I hate that teacher, she is such a bitch! I don’t know why we have learn sociology anyway…
(EEA) In my country, we would eat the whales, if they were not smart enough to go back…
(Blonde clones) BEcause it’s not like it’ll even help us to learn about other countries…who are we going to meet?
And I just knit through it all…
Oh… funny thing the second…
We’ve discovered the source of the unholy stench that was rolling through the house like the fart of a thousand demons eating beans and rotten cheese.
It came from Chicken’s shoes…
I was sitting in my chair saying things like, “Holy God what is that stench?” when my daughter said, “It’s my shoes.”
“The hell you say!” If it had been her feet, do you think she would not have mentioned this?
“No, no–they’re right there…Good God, mom, don’t…”
“AUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! It smells like vulture barf crawled up Satan’s ass and died!!!!!”
“I told you not to smell them…it’s because I don’t have any socks.”
“I’ll get you some socks…” I said weakly. “And some foot powder, and some shoe powder, and a freaking exorcist…just get those things away from me now!!!!!”
In light of today’s doc ap, this one isn’t funny, but it is heartwarming, so I’ll leave you with it:
I was prepping my kids for the fact that I might be there and not there and there and not there, and suddenly, a student of mine–not an A student, but one of my absolute favorite kids this year because she’s got a good mind and a better heart and she turns to me with tears in her eyes and says, “Oh, God, Mz Mac, you don’t have cancer do you?”
God love her–she was really shook. I reassured her with more sincerity than I felt and thought, “Hey–this kid thinks I’m important.” It made it worth it to haul my sorry, sweaty ass to work that day. And probably tomorrow too.
