Okay–so I use the big glowing god in the corner of the room to babysit my children sometimes. A lot of times. Sue me–but I sit and occassionally get sat-upon myself, so at least I know what they know, right? And right now what I know is that this year’s Oscar Winner for best animated film WAS NOT FOR KIDS.
I mean, I sort of knew that before–since it was linked to global warming, I figured that maybe it wasn’t Cinderella, right? But I didn’t realize that it was, like, March of the Penguins Educational…I mean…dropped penguin eggs leading to birth defects? Kicking that poor little guy out of the Penguin Party when he was at the top of his game? Suicidal dives into the over-fished waters of the Atlantic Ocean? A giant gaffing hook forcing him from his dangle from the fishing nets? And oh…(my personal favorite!) losing his sanity in a zoo that would give the psycho ward in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest a Good Housekeeping award for the mentally insane. It gets worse, too–did I mention sea lions? Sea lions in this movie are NOT CUTE!!! Not cute not cute not cute…big yellowing crooked teeth, homicidal rage et al! I can’t believe that the political right got all huffy and bent about a possibly gay character in this movie–I mean, great gobs of gooseshit, people, isn’t the fact that homo-sapiens not only don’t have rhythm, they’re potentially mass-murdering all of the cute penguins in this show just a little more upsetting to ANYBODY?
*pant pant pant* So although I knit all through the movie (on this bizarre basketweave baby blanket that I’ve already fucked up but really love because in spite of the massive nature of the fuck-up, nothing in this blanket screams RIPPIT, so there are no frogs in this house tonight) I was not feeling relaxed by the end of it. In fact, I was sort of feeling like I should just curl up and die from the absolute shame of being homo-sapiens–in fact, I made a big fat furry deal about putting in a movie that made me proud of my species.
I chose Princess Bride.
Anyway, during the middle of the movie, while I was giving Ladybug her bath, it was really life-affirming to hear Mate in the front room, playing with the children.
He was teaching them poker.
The Cave Troll was winning.
And I may never eat fish again…
