As God Is My Witness, May I Never Eat Fish Again…

Okay–so I use the big glowing god in the corner of the room to babysit my children sometimes. A lot of times. Sue me–but I sit and occassionally get sat-upon myself, so at least I know what they know, right? And right now what I know is that this year’s Oscar Winner for best animated film WAS NOT FOR KIDS.

I mean, I sort of knew that before–since it was linked to global warming, I figured that maybe it wasn’t Cinderella, right? But I didn’t realize that it was, like, March of the Penguins Educational…I mean…dropped penguin eggs leading to birth defects? Kicking that poor little guy out of the Penguin Party when he was at the top of his game? Suicidal dives into the over-fished waters of the Atlantic Ocean? A giant gaffing hook forcing him from his dangle from the fishing nets? And oh…(my personal favorite!) losing his sanity in a zoo that would give the psycho ward in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest a Good Housekeeping award for the mentally insane. It gets worse, too–did I mention sea lions? Sea lions in this movie are NOT CUTE!!! Not cute not cute not cute…big yellowing crooked teeth, homicidal rage et al! I can’t believe that the political right got all huffy and bent about a possibly gay character in this movie–I mean, great gobs of gooseshit, people, isn’t the fact that homo-sapiens not only don’t have rhythm, they’re potentially mass-murdering all of the cute penguins in this show just a little more upsetting to ANYBODY?

*pant pant pant* So although I knit all through the movie (on this bizarre basketweave baby blanket that I’ve already fucked up but really love because in spite of the massive nature of the fuck-up, nothing in this blanket screams RIPPIT, so there are no frogs in this house tonight) I was not feeling relaxed by the end of it. In fact, I was sort of feeling like I should just curl up and die from the absolute shame of being homo-sapiens–in fact, I made a big fat furry deal about putting in a movie that made me proud of my species.

I chose Princess Bride.

Anyway, during the middle of the movie, while I was giving Ladybug her bath, it was really life-affirming to hear Mate in the front room, playing with the children.

He was teaching them poker.

The Cave Troll was winning.

And I may never eat fish again…

0 thoughts on “As God Is My Witness, May I Never Eat Fish Again…”

  1. roxie says:

    Princess Bride was the right choice! Let’s hear it for True Love!

    I have not seen Happy Feet. I have not seen March of the Penguins. I have not seen Inconvenient Truth. Ignorance is bliss.

    Hooray for Mate!

  2. Bells says:

    My God Amy, your life is a riot. I love the madness of it all.

    Remind me: how old is Cave Troll? Learning poker? I love it.

    I haven’t seen Happy Feet yet but I should, on two counts, it’s Australian produced and because your review was so good!

  3. Netter says:

    I so totally think CARS should have won the oscar.

  4. Yeah, we took Mr. Mature to the theater to see that. He about shit himself. Now my sil wants to give him the damn movie for Easter. 1. We don’t celebrate Easter. 2. It gave him nightmares. Fucking sea lions. 3. I hate her and her ass face and don’t want her giving my kid anything. But that’s fodder for another blog.
    Cars totally should have one. And I firmly believe that, one day, Cave troll will rule the world. Just make sure he’s nice to my boys when he does, will ya? 🙂

  5. PS: Fish is gross and full of mercury anyway.

  6. NeedleTart says:

    Fish is highly over-rated any way. Eat some nice chicken (just don’t watch Chicken Run at the same time)

  7. DarlingDiva says:

    I finally found ya. I wanted to let you know that I loved your books and find them amazing. Your Fish blog was very funny. Are you going to do a book signing in the future? I live in the North Bay…so I am not to far away if you stick close to home.

    Princess Bride was an excellent choice, one of my favorite movies.

  8. DarlingDiva says:

    Hello Amy,
    I finished your fish blog and just about had a laugh attack at work…shhhh shhhhhh…sneaking on the pc..tee hee.

    I wanted to let you know that I enjoyed your books so much that I had to seek you out and let you know how much I really enjoyed them. I really really did. Are you considering having a book signing any time soon. I live in the north bay and would love my books to be signed…for you ROCK!!!

    BTW…princess bride was a great choice. It is one of my favorite films.


  9. Amy Lane says:

    Hullo, Diva–good to hear from you!! (Good to hear from EVERYBODY–glad you liked this post:-) Really REALLY glad you liked the books!!! I don’t know about the book signing yet, though–I just started selling the books at a local book store (they are mostly sold on the internet) and I’m thinking that if they sell well we may set up a signing there… in any case, should that happen, I will set up such a giant clamour of SQUEEEEEEEE!!!! That I’m sure you’ll be able to hear me in the North Bay:-)

  10. NeedleTart says:

    So, can those of us on the East coast send you book plates to sign??

  11. Rae says:

    OMG I so thought the same thing about Happy Feet. I think DH thought I was a bit overreacting about it, but really, I wasn’t quite sure what the f*ck the movie wanted from me — entertainment? Action (as in write to congress or give up fish), boycott the zoo? I wonder if zoo keepers (and funders) were outraged at the bad rap. I just wish I could express my thoughts as articulately as you can. 😉

  12. Louiz says:

    What about those of us outside the country? Can we send a book plate too?

  13. I didn’t watch the Oscars, so I don’t know who won. Does that mean I’m oblivious?

    Poker night, we haven’t done that in quite a while.

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