Chicken, Kissing Squid

* Chicken walked in on Mate and I last night as we were watching television and holding hands.

“You guys are fucking adorable.

I’ll take it.

*  Mate, yesterday morning, leaving while I was still asleep.

“Happy birthday.  You’re aging gracefully.”

Me, groggy as all hell:

“That’s a lie.  I don’t do anything gracefully.”

*  Zoomboy was thrilled this morning because I bought him an official Darth Vader shirt, complete with little velcro cape on his shoulders.  This morning, he wore it to school.

Uhm, he forgot his backpack.  Remembered the cape.  Forgot his backpack.

*  Mate bought me a bluetooth speaker for my computer.  Uhm… remember those old panasonic commercials, where the guy sits in the recliner and gets blown away by sound?


Happy Birthday mom!

*  Is it just me or are the regular episodes of Castle so much better than the season finales and beginning of the season?  Doesn’t matter.  Still very watchable.

*  Squish got a bright orange shirt with a pumpkin face on it.  She wore it to school today, with turquoise blue yoga pants.  I LOVE that kid.  She’s insane, in the very best of ways.

*  Chicken went to the gym with me on Monday so she could read outside while I swam.  My instructor, Trina, went to chat with her and when she came back, she was in awe.

“Your daughter is stunningly beautiful.

I grinned.  “Yup.  Thems my genes!”

“Does she know?”

“Not a clue.”

“Don’t boys tell her?”

“She terrifies them.”


I love my aqua instructors 🙂

*  On the way home today, Chicken was talking about going to watch ZB and Mate at soccer practice, so she asked Zoomboy “When’s your soccer?”

Zoomboy:  “Uhm, Wednesdays and Mondays and Saturdays sometime.”

Me (with pride): “Yup.  That kid has my sense of time!”

Chicken: *flailing*  “Today is Wednesday, dumbass!”

ZB:  “I don’t know.  Dad gets home and we go to soccer.  What time is that?”

Again, with the pride.

*  I”m waiting for Mate to get home to see if his people from work did anything for his birthday.  His buddy texted me last night to see if he’d like something– a sandwich, cookies, whatever, and I was like, “Yeah, he’d love that!”

But I didn’t want to give anything away, in case buddy couldn’t come through.

So this morning I texted him:

“You at work?”

“Yeah.  What’s up.”


“Did you need me?”

“No.  No.  Happy Birthday!”

Because, you know.  That wasn’t suspicious at all.  

*  I recently sent out a bunch of swag packs– and they were late, but for once, not my fault.  See, the original swag packs were supposed to have lanyards in them, but I got the lanyards, and they were no bueno.  Not good.  The idea was to have the words Beneath the Stain interspersed with the outbreak monkey artwork.  Well, the Outbreak Monkey artwork looked–quite literally– like a pigeon dropping.  So I had to decide on some other artwork and generally do a big punt for my entire swag concept, right?  Anyway, I kept one lanyard as I was trying to decide what to do with them.  (The company took them back, which is why I have no picture here– I feel like that would be bad form, since I”m getting a refund.)  But Squish, after hearing me bitch about the lanyards and the swag for three days running, was apparently meditating on the lanyard as it hung from my keys.

“Mom, you know that design that looks like pigeon doo-doo?”


“On your key thing– the one that says Beneath the Stain?”


“Maybe that’s the stain!”

I laughed for the rest of the day.  Which was good.  It quelled some of my rage, quite honestly– and it gave me an idea when I was signing the over 125 vellums to put into the signed books.

*  The turkeys were crossing the street.

One lingered.

I don’t know why, but I could laugh at that fucking turkey all day.

I hope he makes you smile too!

0 thoughts on “Chicken, Kissing Squid”

  1. Happy birthday Mate!!

  2. Happy birthday Mate!!

  3. Christy Duke says:

    Nothing. And, I mean, nothing, brings me more laughter and just overall happy like these shorts into your families life.
    I adore Mate – HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. I'm so glad I found one just like him!
    Chicken is amazing. She's so much more sure of herself, and her place in the world, than I ever was at that age.
    Zoomboy. What can I say? I think I could spend hours chatting with that guy and never get bored.
    Squish I just want to hug her and watch that smile light up her face.
    Big T. I don't know as much about him, but I'm guessing he's just as incredible.
    Amy, YA done good, my friend. Much love to you, and yours.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *