So, yes. It’s three days after Christmas, but it was a REALLY busy couple of days, and a few stories have come back to haunt me. Enjoy!
* The Christmas gift that keeps on giving
Okay, so when Big T lived with us, socks were in scant supply. Mate, T, and myself all wore the same size, and we’d buy giant packages of two-dozen pairs and they would DISAPPEAR.
Literally, into the black hole of Big T’s room.
A month later, after Mate and I had been rooting through all the sock dregs– the hole-y socks, ZoomBoy’s socks left over from when he was wearing kids sizes, Squish’s socks–the socks would reappear, all in one load, looking like they’d been used for target practice.
Like, holes EVERYWHERE.
So Big T asked us for socks for Christmas and Mate and I went all out–we knew there’d be a need.
And then his girlfriend (she’s AWESOME–that needs to be said!!!!!) came over for Christmas and they exchanged gifts. (I made her fingerless mitts–I’m not a barbarian.)
Folks?
She gave him socks.
SOCKS!
And as Mate and I were lOSING OUR SHIT, she said, “Yeah–first time he came over he took off his shoes and his sock peeled off half his foot–it was in tatters!”
And she asked him over again.
You guys, if he lets her slip through his fingers, I’ll never let him live it down. She’s perfect.
* Santa’s Elves Need some Dank Weed
So, we sent our Christmas letters out on Christmas Eve. We got to the post office after it was closed, but I went in to use the kiosk to buy stamps. We really just wanted the letters in the mail, so we could say, “DONE! BEFORE CHRISTMAS! WE WIN!”
Anyway, I walked into the foyer of the closed post office and was overwhelmed by the smell of weed. Now you know people don’t need to smell like weed anymore–there’s vaporizers and everything–but these guys were apparently getting high old school.
It was coming through the mail slot–you know, where you put your small parcels and letters when the PO is closed?
Anyway, as I waited (and waited!) for my 80 stamps to print out, I heard the following.
BANG!
CRASH!
BOOM!
“OUCH!”
“FUCK!”
“DAMN!”
And then the sounds subsided.
I took my stamps and fled, but you guys?
I think we need to be nicer to the post office people.
They had apparently had a SUPER SHITTY day!
* Some Random Fudge
So on Christmas morning, Mate and I left five happy kids of our own to run a big box of fudge to my aunts and uncles. Now my Uncle Phil and his wife, Barb, have two pretty perfect sons. Tall, handsome, kind, smart–and totally laid back.
Anyway, they’re way too cool for me and my family–I always feel blessed when they talk to me. Did I mention how nice they are? The youngest, Joe, actually came up to me Thanksgiving and told me he found the poem I’d written his mom for his parents’ wedding and how it moved him to tears.
YOU GUYS!
Anyway–
So Mate and I were telling an Aunt, “Yeah, we just came by to drop off a random box of fudge and hug everybody and run!” and she laughed.
And then the oldest boy came up–after hearing us, of course–and said, “Hey, this random fudge tastes good. Peppermint?”
“Yeah– there’s some Amaretto and some plain and some gingerbread and some red velvet in there too.”
“Oh my God! Layers? THAT’S THE BEST! RANDOM FUDGE FOR THE WIN!”
This kid is taking a year after college to travel the world and make movies since he majored in film at UCLA.
And we wowed him with fudge.
Random fudge–man, you can’t say it’s not magic.
So there you go–Christmas anecdotes that I’ve been dying to tell online!
Have a great weekend, and may your old year be filled with no regrets and the coming year with all the hope you can muster!
