Cold Snap

Me:  C’mon puppy, let’s go pee-pee!  Time to go pee-pee in the potty!

Dog: It’s 23 degrees out here, you sadistic bitch!  Besides–you know I already whizzed in your laundry!


Mate:  Did you go do aqua aerobics today.

Me:  Yes.  I’ve been assured my metal is in the mail.  (Still hasn’t been sent.  The nerve!  It was forty degrees out there yesterday!)


Zoomboy:  It’s really cold.  I think I’ll wear two sweaters!  If it was only a little cold, I would only wear one, but it’s really cold, so I’ll wear two.  If we were on the Ice PLanet Hoth, I’d have to wear taun-taun guts, but we’re not, so I’ll wear another sweater.

(Zoomboy has become obsessed with Star Wars lately– his rather hilarious story for school is titled “Robot Apocalypse” and features a communications robot named CP who helps people run their lawn mowers after the crash.)


Me, on phone to book vendor:  Oooh… it’s a bit cold!

Book Vendor:  Don’t talk to me about cold–I live in Petaluma, it was 15 degrees out there.  Isn’t it in the 50’s where you are?

Me:  It’s in the twenties!

Book Vendor (as if suddenly realizing I am a customer and he probably shouldn’t play one-upsies with me):  Wow– I’m surprised.  It usually doesn’t get that cold in the valley.

Me:  Yeah– well, people keep giving us cold weather clothes.  Time to use them!


Me:  You know, since basically I”m throwing a jacket on over my pajamas when I take the dog for a walk, I don’t really have a bra on.  Basically, I really am freezing my tits off.

Mate:  Don’t do that.  I like them.


Big T:  I was going to go out and catch a bus and go look for a job.  But you had to leave.  I thought I’d stay home for the dog.

Dog:  Sure.  That’s why you didn’t leave the house.


Me to dog:  NO, Johnnie, don’t eat the Kitty Roca– IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS!!!


Cat to me:  If the dog was truly significant, you would allow him to make sweet love to you in the bathroom.  Now scratch my places, slavebeast, scratch them!

Me to cat:  Behind the tail or behind the tail, my liege?  My wish is but to serve.


Me to Mary:  Florida, right?  We’re going to Florida in a month?  It’s going to be warm, right?  WAAAARRRRRRRRMMM….

Mary:  Uh-huh, because 68* is warm.  Sure it is.


Me to dog:  Yeah, sure, come camp out on my chest.  Just don’t stop radiating heeeeeeeaaaattttttt.


I understand the weather’s going to warm up a little.  I, for one, can hardly wait!

0 thoughts on “Cold Snap”

  1. Juliana says:

    Well in my area of Florida it is 80 right now! I hope when you get to St. Augustine it will be warm for you! It's on the coast but is still 77 there now. You should have a chance to warm up when you get here! Wish I could go to the con but money was too tight, that means you have to have fun for me!

  2. You know, 60 degrees coming out of winter is warm!

    (I won't mention it's 9 out there now where I live.)

  3. Donna Lee says:

    It's only been in the 40's here, practically balmy for January! It's cold this morning and raining (again). We haven't had to break out the really cold gear yet. I never think of you as being in a cold part of the world.

  4. Galad says:

    I've been living under a blanket for the last 3 days. We Arizona folks have very thin blood! As Nicole pointed out, cats also make good heaters.

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