Crapmansion Ponderings

*  Nothing is more likely to convince me that we’re living through the end times than listening as Mate watches The Soup.


*  It’s so much easier to let my hair go naturally gray when I don’t see anyone but my family, who already knows I’m old.  (I’m buying hair dye tomorrow.  SWEAR.)

*  If I’ve heard a book/movie/restaurant/TV show pimped ad nauseum, it usually has to be the second coming of the fifth peen to impress me.  (This book/movie/restaurant/ TV show did NOT impress me.)

* After spending the last six months writing 350K of raw, ripping, angst and pain, in full length technicolor band-aid colors, switching it up to a short, light-hearted novella is a real mindfuck.  I find that some of my previous angst/pain has seeped in.  Sorry!  So sorry!  I’ll try to clean up that ooze by my Christmas novella.

*  Some visual cues are subjectives.  My sweet little reminder of the fragility of life and lost innocence can be someone else’s serial killer mask from A Cabin in the Woods.  (This is important to remember when you’re trying to sell books and picking out a cover.)


*  Chicken’s cat is the sweetest little avian serial killer in the world.  As long as she’s here.

*  Mate really is a superhero.  Especially when it’s his turn to teach Chicken to drive.

*  The sun that the children run around for exercise in the pool in is the flaming orb that sucks the ever-loving life out of me.

*  Family television time would be a great time for me to knit.  If there was anywhere in the living room left for me to perch.  And if I liked whatever Mate was watching.  (Hint: True Lies is a really irritating monument to James Cameron on his third divorce.)

*  The words “yarn sale” still have the power to make my heart beat faster and my palms sweat and money just FLY the hell out of my wallet.  It’s nice to know the magic is still there.

*  I keep trying to remake my image, but people STILL won’t let me hire the supermodel with the uber-intellectual glasses.  But GUYS, she’d be such a better me than I am!

*  Seriously– I’m thinking about updating my dragon and my sales banners and my swag.  I want crisp!  I want clean!  I want solid identity points!  I want… *sob*  Someone with more experience than I have…

*  I’m also thinking about how to market Beneath the Stain. It’s hard to think about that stuff.  My wheels turn REALLY slowly.

*  And speaking of wheels… and things I know little about… believe it or not, the story I’m working on right now is part of an anthology about a cookbook.  Amber Kell, Marie Sexton, Mary Calmes, and RJ Scott are part of it, and I’m really excited about this idea!  The, uhm, bad news is that cooking is not necessarily my strong suit.  Beet porridge is going to figure large.  I don’t expect anybody to make it… but then, I didn’t expect anyone to knit the Stanley Scarf, either.

*  And somebody is knitting the Chain Mail Scarf from Blackbird!  I’m so excited to hear that!  WHEEEE!!!

*  The family has lived in each other’s back pockets for two weeks.  Things are getting dire.  We’d cut each other for the last Oreo– I shit you not!

*  Speaking of which… Peanut Butter Cup Oreos.  Should be outlawed.

*  Pulling a T-shirt out of the clean laundry pile that you’ve been wanting to wear for a MONTH?  Is like winning the lottery.  I’m telling you, it’s the simple things.

*  The little kids have learned how to knit using looms.  They are SO EXCITED.  Today, they asked me if they were knitting with alpaca fur.  I told them that EVEN BETTER, they are knitting with DEAD DINOSAURS.  It’s BETTER than alpaca and sheep fur, because it’s TOUGHER and less fragile.  Which is why we keep it in the garage instead of the house like the other, more delicate yarn.  Weren’t they LUCKY to be knitting with the dead dinosaurs?  (Stop laughing!  They totally bought it!  And it’s sort of the truth.  Shhhh….)

*  And Zoomboy is doing laundry now.  “Mom!  What are we doing today?”  “Uhm, I dunno.  Laundry?”  “AWESOME!  I’ll go get a load!”  I am… well grateful, actually.  I am also not expecting this to last.  But I’ll be doing it a lot until it goes away.