Don’t Call Me Dude…

Okay, I had to get that other post off the air…it was just too negative to leave up another day.

Lots has happened in the career front since Friday, and I don’t want to blog about any of it…suffice it to say that I hate politics, prickweenies, and men with no sense of humor about themselves. And I had a meeting that involved all three of those things today, the upshot of which was that I had to clean my room (my classroom, that is), write up my lesson plans (you will hear some monster scale whining about this in the future, you may rest assured) and, oh yeah, try not to call the principal ‘dude’ after he has locked me out in front of my students. I only wish I was kidding about this last one.

But, quite frankly, enough about that…I will shake the target on my back, or I will go down in the sand, middle fingers defiantly extended…it all depends on the reign I can put on my inner sixteen year old, but it will not happen today. Today, I’ve been dying to do Julie’s Book Meme (as well as read EVERYONE’S blogs…I’m so very behind…) so here’s the meme!

1. Hardcover or paperback, and why: Mostly paperback, unless it’s an autobuy–Harry Potter, Charlaine Harris etc. Paperbacks are easier to carry!

2. If I were to own a book shop, I would call it: It depends on who I am when I open it… If I’m Amy Lane, it would be Amy’s Yellow Book Lane:-) If I’m my real name? Probably “The Magnificent Mac’s”–some of my favorite authors as a kid were Robin McKinley, Patricia McKillip, and Anne McCaffrey..

3. My favorite quote from a book is: I’ve probably got a couple. From recent reading, there’s J.R. Ward’s “You got ‘I want’ in one hand and shit in another–guess what you got more of…” I’m a fan.

From C.J. Cherryh, I’ve got, “It’s sometimes better to trust an enemy than an honest man.”

From John Gardner’s Grendel, there’s “It’s coming my brother, though you murder the world, transmogrify life into ‘I’ and ‘it’, there’s not a thing you can do to stop it.”

From 1984… “Aren’t we lucky to have a government that takes such wonderful care of us and gives us all of the essentials of life? By the way, does anyone have any razorblades?”

From Shakespeare, “Has ever so fair a dragon kept so foul a cave!” (There’s others there…it’s just the one that hit me today!)

4. The author (alive or dead) I would love to have lunch with is: John Gardner–any man that could write a direct translation of Gilgamesh about a priestess taking Enkidu from the wilds and (this is a quote) “Fucking him into submission” is my kind of guy. I’d also tell him to wear a @#$%ing helmet when he got on his goddamned motorcycle in the freaking rain, because brother died way too young and way too soon–oh GODDESS, the things he could have written if he’d lived past thirty-two.

5. If I were going to a deserted island and could only bring one book (other than a survival guide), it would be: I’m with Julie–the complete works of Shakespeare, or Jane Austin, or Tolstoy (if I wanted to kill myself before I starved to death, I guess), or …. wait…just had a brain flash (watch out, actual common sense knowledge just disappeared…let’s see if I remember how to tie my shoes tomorrow!) The Norton Anthology of English Literature, part 1 if I had to choose. Think about it… 2000 pages with some commentary on the classics? I mean, I could pass for a frickin genius by the time they rescued me. Of course, by then I’d be eating my own hair with boredom, but if you’re a genius, they call it eccentric.

6. I would love for someone to invent a book gadget that:turns pages while I knit.

7. The smell of books reminds me of: Blackberry bushes. The first guy who ever made out with me did so behind the public swimming pool house when I was in 6th grade, and I smelled blackberry bushes. After that, whenever there was something magical, something a little forbidden that made my whole body tingle and sing, it would smell like blackberry bushes. That’s what books smell like.

8. If I could be the lead character in a book, it would be: Now, Julie doesn’t want to be the main character of a book, because she says that the main charactrers go through absolute hell, even with a happy ending and cool sexual super-powers. I figure, what the hell–it’s not like life is easy anyway, we might as well be the superstar of our own novel, right? Of course, I always cast myself in a minor roll in my own books, and I’m never sure if that speaks for a supersized ego or a playful sense of cameo-ship, but it’s probably besides the point. Anyway, if I got to be the main character in a book, I would want to be some ass-kicking bitch who took no shit and could terrify small men in her path. So, Eve Dallas or Morgaine or Magiere or Danny Valentine or… uhm…yeah. Cory. Crap. This is sort of a loaded question if you write your own paranormal romance, isn’t it?

9. The most overrated book of all time is: Ugh. James Patterson? John Grisham? Nicholas Sparks? Couldn’t get through any of them. Not even a chapter. Not even two pages. Just…*yawn* men writing character is like cats writing about scuba diving, I guess.

10. I hate it when a book: Takes a perfectly good working relationship between romantic leads and fucks with it because the author couldn’t think of anything better to do with the plot. This stupid plot device has led to more series jumping the freaking shark than all of the alien babies combined, and it’s so unnecessary. The most interesting conversations I have are with my husband–a relationship doesn’t have to be new to provide humor, pathos, understanding, excitement, etc. If more writers could figure out how to make a relationship play for the long term, we’d have more couples like Eve Dallas and Roarke, and less train wrecks like Anita Blake and 1/2 of St. Louis.

That was fun! Who else wants to do it? Let me know, I’d love to read…

0 thoughts on “Don’t Call Me Dude…”

  1. Julie says:

    “Anita Blake and half of Saint Louis” Bwahahahahahahahahaha.

    You know there’s a new In Death book out next month, right?

    I would make sure I called the prickweenie ‘dude’ every time I saw him until he fired me, but I allow my inner sixteen year old far too much leeway.

  2. roxie says:

    “What you dwell on grows.” Strength to your power and joy and wicked subversive sense of humor.

    I want to do the meme, but I just got the galley’s today.

  3. TinkingBell says:

    Send me the meme – I’m so impressed that you love John Gardner (hey – you’re the first person I ever met who had even heard of hime – Grendel is one of my favourite ever books and I love Freddy’s book and the Sunlight dial;ogues and Nickel mountain – right there on my shelf – so great! – Oh and the um anatomically challenged and socially autistic plonker? Call him m’boy or bwana at every opportunity!

  4. Em says:

    When I rule the world, every single person will have to take an IQ test and a test determining if you have enough manners and common courtesy to survive in society. If you don’t, you get dropped off in Texas, which will have a very, very big wall around it. All of the inhabitants will have guns. And ammo. Lots of it. When I have to deal with a particularly heinous prickweenie (“excuse me, miss, do you know anything about cars?” “no, they just hired me because of my good looks and sparkling wit.”) I take a long, long moment to think about the prickweenie’s ultimate fate when s/he is sent to Texas.

    I am in favor of calling the prickweenie dude, and encouraging your students and fellow staff members to do the same. Tell them that he hates it, it’ll catch on pretty quick.

  5. ismarah says:

    oh, now i feel so relaxed about keeping a rabid eye on all your books! You agree on LKH and how Anita has fucked the shark.

    At least Happy Days only jumped it.

    From another post – I didn’t realise you’d sold just over 1000 copies of Vulnerable. I’ll have to stop lending it out, make people buy their own and then hold on to my first edition for when it becomes worth mucho moolah!

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