Eeeeeeee!!! and Auuuuuuughhhh!!!

Today, boys and girls, we’re going to talk about vowels, and all the things they can do for you.

Let’s start with long e.

Long e can be made VERY VERY LONG. And it can be a word all by itself.

For example, when you come home after a long day, and your adorable wee potato shaped hound treats your return home like the second coming of a female pillow shaped savior, your best response might be that vowel.

So, uh, “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”

Because cuteness should never go without some squEEEEEEEEE, and that is a true fact.

So that is “ee”

Now, about “Augh!”

When your son comes to tell you that a many legged thing is on the wall, and it’s too high for the cat to get, otherwise the cat WOULD HAVE gotten it, because the cat has been eyeball stalking it for fifteen minutes, “Augh!” is not the appropriate response.

You want your son to feel safe, and he can’t feel safe if he sees you jump up and down and scream and do the oogie dance.

It just won’t work.

However, if, after attempting to mash the thing with a shoe when it is too far above your head to get enough leverage to mash, it is THEN appropriate to use this very different vowel sound.

“AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH!!!!”

Then it’s appropriate to rush up to your husband and whisper, “I didn’t get it!”

And then when your son asks if it’s dead, say, “Yes. Very dead. So dead. So dead I can’t even. Deader than dead. I killed it. With fire.”

And not tell him, ever, that it’s probably in your closet having babies with even more legs.

So there you go.

The difference between “EEEEEEEE!!!” and “AUUUUUUUUUUGHHH!!”

The more you know.