For once, the dragon lost…

Hmmm… list of things that happened between Wednesday and today:

* Jury duty–I ALMOST got sat on a trial, but, well, the prosecutor seemed to think I oozed sympathy for the defendant (he was VERY young) and for the predicament (I am VERY pro-marijuana legalization) and, well, I was peremptorily discharged. *sigh* I really wanted to sit that jury, too–it would have been fun!

* However, just because I was done with jury duty, did NOT mean I went back to work the next day. Thursday night, Mate and I were soundly asleep… can you picture it? Us, sleeping? Zoomboy between us? And then suddenly, Zoomboy sits up in bed, and makes HALF of an unmistakable sound. I sit up in bed and Mate calls down from the hall, “Did he just do what I think he did?” and then Zoomboy made the REST of the the unmistakable sound, and, well, the next fifteen minutes were spent changing the sheets and washing him up and making him brush his teeth. It was the last time we had to change the sheets, but it was NOT the last time Zoomboy had to brush his teeth, if you catch my drift. Poor baby had the stomach bug, and, well, I got to stay home. Again. (I was not thrilled about this, actually–and sure enough, my kids REALLY needed me to day. I love that they love me this year, but they REALLY need me. There is a price, yeah?)

* Soccer ensued on Friday night and Saturday morning. Now, last week, I was too upset about the whole “this team is beating the snot out of us and being fuckers about it” to tell you this story, but I thought it needed to be told. Now, I may have mentioned that Zoomboy is THE consummate ladybug-catcher at his soccer games–but he has a padawan: a little boy that Zoomboy teaches how to catch ladybugs and chase dandylions and toe the dirt into submission. Now, one of the things that Zoomboy does, that embarrasses the hell out of me, is to pull his shorts up, so they’re tight in the vee of his crotch, and wiggle his butt. At first, I thought he was just playing with the shorts, because they’re too big and, well, the boy fidgets. And then Mate pointed out the truth:

He wasn’t playing with his shorts–he was using the shorts to play with HIMSELF! Yup. You heard me. It looks cute and all, but really, it’s just a boy, with his favorite toy, in front of parents from all over the city. And to make matters even MORE fun? Uhm… let’s just say that his little padawan learned well. There I was, watching in horror, as Zoomboy and padawan pulled their shorts up around their crotches and did the butt-floss dance, while THE OTHER TEAM SCORED BEHIND THEM.

*sniff* Makes a mother proud.

And, uhm, do me a favor, wouldya? Don’t tell the other mothers–because I sure as shit don’t plan to.

* And Sunday? Well, Sunday, Mate scored us some tickets to Six Flags Discovery Kingdom– which is like an exotic animal zoo with roller coasters. Now, my neck is too fragile for roller coasters, so I ended up schlepping the kids all over the park to see the animals and ride the kiddie rides, and Mate? Mate was FORCED (can you smell the reluctance? Hmmm….) to take the big kids to all the BIG roller coasters. We caught some time together in the middle, when we managed this magnificent procession of shows–the orca show, the tiger show, the bird show, and then some land animals (as compared to the sea animals of the morning). A good time was had by all–including the big kids, (all three of them) who got to walk through the haunted house path, and even CHICKEN was skeered… she left bruises in her father’s arms, and he was very proud! (Hey… Daddy always wants to be needed, right?)

Anyway, a good time was had by all, except for a rather hairy moment when Squish came out of one of those all purpose kid-tree things in tears.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I lost my PEEEEEEE!!”

“Uhm… okay. How about you go play in the fountain (custom made for kids to play in the water) and I’m just gonna step into this really expensive store right here and buy… uhm… a towel to tie into a sarong and a REALLY LONG SHIRT. Yeah… just take off your shoes, okay? go ahead and get your clothes REALLY REALLY WET so we can wring them out and put them with the nice plastic bag that came with this shirt. Yes it is long. Uh-huh. Amazing how that happens…”

And thus we made it to the rest of the evening, where the kids got to see a mock hanging, and a mock zombie rising, which I did my best to explain was not real. I always wonder if I’m traumatizing my kids more by stealing their wonder than I would be by letting them think they were watching a real hanging and zombie rising from the dead. I guess time will tell, right?

* Anyway… and then, after all that, today I went back to work, and then worked to make Patrick Henry look sexy. For the record, Patrick Henry? Not sexy at all… and, when all was said and done, I think the guy was really just a little bit nuts.

(ETA: Elizabeth just e-mailed me: Whim sold sixteen copies today–that’s AWESOME! Okay– so it’s not a thousand dollars–but it is you guys, making a difference, and I’m just so proud:-)