Fucking Monkey…

Yeah… the more I look at the picture, the less it really looks like a monkey. I’m so depressed… it would have been a really spiffy blanket if I hadn’t tried to get cute at the end. But it did give me some street cred at the shower, where the mom-to-be, (who looks REALLY happy) was hosting a game where people had to color in the best cardboard figure for a mobile, and she picked her favorites. I was tired, I was traumatized by the road (no fewer than three 5mph hairpin turns in less than a mile–the only way it could have been uglier is if it had been narrower and LESS of the shoulder had been paved–and if it had been on a 1000 foot cliff instead of just a REALLY STEEP 50 foot drop off. And if ANYBODY had actually met me coming the other way. And if it had chosen to piss down rain instead of just steadily dump it. Or, even better, if it had been snowing.) and anyway, I was still working on the matching hat (which I didn’t finish) and as everyone was scribbling frantically, I was just chilling and knitting, thinking: Hey, I crocheted and stitched an entire fifteen inch monkey face in less than two hours. Coloring pens? I don’t need no stinking coloring pens!

But I got to chat with people I was happy to see, and the mom-to-be is terribly enthusiastic when it comes to opening presents, and one of the co-hosts (whom I didn’t know well) was cleaning up, and she noticed that one of the (incredibly rich and frighteningly yummy) cupcakes had been cut into a genteel half and shouted, “I’m trying to get rid of this food here and you skinny bitches aint even trying!”

All in all, a fun day.

But it was weird, because I got home, and realized that none of my actual family had moved AT ALL in the entire five hours I was gone! (One hour either way…) It was like they were stuck in a time warp where the house just got uglier. Weird. The only exception was that my roulette sock got here (OH JOY!) and it’s GORGEOUS, made of this lovely, petable cotton yarn (no label… but it was SOOOOOO bright and pretty, and a pattern I’d totally knit) and so all I have to do is get rid of a couple of WIPS and I’m good! (Okay. A mucking-fuckload of WIPs, but they really have been IN PROGRESS.) I also have to start a pair of half-fingered mitts for my TA who insists that this is what she wants for her gift… I think I’ll use that lovely stuff Roxie sent me because A. It’s DK, and B. It’s my TA’s color EXACTLY.

But first I have to find a place to sit–my living room really only seats five, which means on family movie night (right now they’re ALL watching Fairly Oddparents. I am not shitting you about this) one of us is exiled to the computer.

Oh yes–none of the finished blanket could have been accomplished without the cessation of the crud, which has since vacated both my children and fled (I hope) screaming into the rain. And I actually plan on joining it shortly–I need a walk! But thanks everybody for the support–it was nice to whine to you as I had been whined to all week–but I’m done with whining for present. (Notice I didn’t say “permanently”?”)

And now, I’m off to either sit down or walk it off. I’ll decide which when I look soulfully at my chair and see if my husband wants to vacate it. And then I’m going to put the finishing touch on the matching hat (well, sort of matching–it’s yellow with an orange bill, so it’s a ducky hat, but it’s the same color scheme) and think with a shudder that while the little points on the edging took me all day yesterday, the part that sucked the worse was the confetti tassels on the points. *shiver* The worst thing was that the entire blanket from start to finish was my idea. Yup–have the sugar induced fever dream, see it through–that’s my motto!

(And a note to any designers who may be visiting for spite, that although the monkey could have used a big do-over, I am not only NOT blaming my editor for this problem, but that the blanket will in no way make the baby look fat. See. Practicing what we preach.)