“So what can I do for you?”
“A layered bob.” I have no idea what that means, but 6/10 times it gets me a hair cut I don’t want to attack with pinking shears.
“Okay, we’ll do a little texturizing–“
“BY ALL THAT’S HOLY DON’T TOUCH THOSE WEIRD SCISSORS!”
“Okay, okay–touch-ee! How do you propose I thin your hair out?”
“Layers.”
“Are you sure?”
“Lots of layers. Do NOT massacre my hair with those things.”
“Fine. Layers aren’t going to do it.”
“They have in the past.”
“How about if I buzz cut your back and–“
“Oh God.”
“And do a little stacking here–“
“Please God, not the iron throne in the back–“
“And wings! All girls love wings!”
“Please, for the love of God could you layer the front?”
“Layer how–bangs?”
“THAT’S NOT LAYERING.”
“You know, you’re being awfully picky for someone who didn’t know what they wanted.”
“A layered bob.”
“I don’t think you know what that is.”
“Well four out of ten hair stylists hear those words and do what I ask.”
“What did they do differently?”
“More than one layer in the back of my head, and a flirty little layer in the front.”
“That’s not really a haircut.”
“It was if you grew up in the 80’s.”
“No, seriously, this will look better.”
“Fuck it. I don’t care. I don’t have to look at me. Whatever.”
“Sure. This’ll be great. Your hair will take forever to grow out in the back and it will live in your eyes during the heart of summer. You’ll love it.”
“Fine.”
“No, seriously, a little blowdrying, some curling, some product–“
“Look, I know we just met but do you see anything about me that would suggest that’s going to happen?”
“Well you don’t live in a cave.”
“Not by choice.”
“Seriously–what do you think?”
“Please tell me you sell scrunchies.”
“Yes.”
“Then it’s fine.”
“But–“
“No, seriously, all fifty-somethings like to put their hair up in that little pixy thing 2 year olds do when they don’t have enough hair.”
“But if you don’t like it–“
“If you touch those texturizing scissors I’ll stab you with them.”
“Who hurt you?”
“PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW HOW TO LAYER!”
“Fine, tip?”
“20% okay?”
“And this is why we don’t layer.”
“Keep the change.”
