Okay– so, once upon a time, when Amy was in high school, with a very different name and a huge aspiration to be an English teacher and parents who flat out told her she would never make it because she was, in their words, a “Space Cowboy”, an amazing thing happened.

Amy discovered theater.

And for junior high, high school, and junior college, she acted her little heart out.

Except Amy, even when skinny, did not have the face or the body for stage, and she certainly didn’t have the confidence to overcome the frizzy red hair and freckles, at least not for any length of time.

However, she did have a certain ability with character roles– I’m pretty sure it came from being 5’10” tall with tons of red hair and a certain caustic sensibility.  So, yeah, she had a reputation as a theater kid, and a band kid, and, toward the end of her senior year, was getting a teeny wee bit of confidence, and that was very exciting.

So, when the handsome, kind, smart captain of the football team said, “Oh YES!  I need to make up a scene in drama– I’ll pick Amy to do improv with me!” it seemed like a social godsend!  Oh my God!  This was my big break!  I was going to make up some social points, and I was going to look good in front of my peers, and now, right before graduation, I was finally not going to be such a shy loser anymore. 

Did I mention he was handsome?

And he had a great smile.

And he smelled soooooo good?

And that all of my hormones RUSHED to assure me of these things, right when we went to rehearse?


So Amy, poor Amy, all she could do with her big chance to be charming and funny and play to her long cultivated strengths with the captain of the football team, was…


Seriously.  *heeeeerkkk!!!*  *giggle*  *haaahahahaaa*  Uhm, okay, let’s start again.  Wait.  What was my… *heeeeeeerrkkkkk!!!*

Oh dear God.

You get the picture, right?

Amy, spazzing?  All elbows, knees, nose (it’s a beauty!) and frizzy red hair?  And freckles– let us not forget the freckles.




Okay, so Kim Fielding heard an interview on Beth Ruyak’s Insight a couple of months back.

Apparently, it got very boring.

And Kim e-mailed the producer and said, “Hey– Amy Lane and I could do better than that!”

And so on Monday, we get to go on the radio and prove it.

Now, when I first heard about this, I was sort of excited.  Wow!  An interview!  Hey– I’ve done some of those, right? Pod-casts, G-chats, Fireside Chats, panels– I’m an old hand at this, right?

And then Mate said the magic words.

N. P. R.

Oh yeah.  I’m like, “Local radio!”  and Mate’s like, “No, dear, it’s really (((N)))(((℗)))))(((®))))”

And suddenly it occurs to me.  I’ve heard of N.P.R..  I mean, I know what that is!  LOTS of people listen to NPR.  I mean… uhm… lots of people.

And I’ve even heard of Beth Ruyak!  Wait– oh my God, isn’t she the one who does the Olympics?  Wow, she’s an institution in Sacramento journalism!



Holy.  Flipping.  Wow.

Now, I admit, I have a lot more confidence than I did, say, nearly 30 years ago.  I’m smarter, stronger, and more able to hold my own.  Hell– I”m way more confident than I was even five years ago.  The me that I am now could totally take the me that I was when I first started this blog, and that was eight years ago.

So, I should be able to stand up with the handsome quarterback and deliver a line or two, right?

Oh Goddes.

I hope so.

Cause there’s a lot more than a small class of drama students who are going to hear me go *HEEEERRRK* if I’m wrong!

So Kim Fielding and I are going to be on Public Radio, Insight, with Beth Ruyak, Monday, June 9th, at 9 a.m. (with a bunch of other segments, I am sure.)  And if I go *heeerk*  apparently, you can hear it again at 8 p.m., and then, my complete spazz out will be cached, so you can go back and hear it forever.  

Oh baby– let’s just not blow it, shall we?


And in other news?

Chicken sent me this picture with “She’s adorable, isn’t she?”

It took me half a conversation to figure out that there’s a rat in the picture, and Chicken wasn’t talking about herself in third person.

I mostly blame Chicken for this.  Of course I think she’s adorable.  She also burps daisies and farts rainbows, as do all my children and no you cannot tell me otherwise!  

But yes, the rat is pretty cute too.  Apparently she was being really sweet this night– the morning started when the RA’s came knocking on Chicken’s door.  Now other students would be hiding bongs and beer cans, but not Chicken.

She had to hide her Bon Bon.  (The rat’s name.)

Yup.  Adorable.


And tonight, we did a new thing.  We went to a professional (minor league equivalent, I think) soccer game in Sacramento, and I learned a new thing.

You know how the British always make fun of Americans for saying “soccer” instead of “football”?  Well, apparently “soccer” is a Britishism.  The Brits created the Association of Football in 1860, when they were trying to standardize the rules.  They then exported those rules and called it “Asoc”– and then “Asoccer”… and then Americans kept “soccer” to differentiate it from football, just like the British kept it football do differentiate it from rugby.

And you know what?

None of that justifies playing it in 104 degree heat.  Holy jebus.

But it was still fun to watch.


 Okay– here’s a vintage photo I’ve got of Tab Hunter and either Rudolph Nuryev or Anthony Perkins.  And I sort of fell in love with it, not just because, hullo, hot and happy menz, but also because there’s sort of an innocence about it– a pained, joy.  They are happy and at ease in this picture.  There is no studio, no closet, and not even any sex, which you assume they saved for all of the times the camera was off.  Just a very plain sort of domesticity.

The fact that it was kept under lock and key, pressed against their hearts until it burned?

Gives it poignancy.

Yes… I shall have to do something with this.


And see the dog here?  Hiding?

If I blow it on Monday and do the *heeeeerkkk!!!*?

Yeah.   That’s gonna be me.

0 thoughts on “*heeerkk*”

  1. Evaine says:

    Again, another blog that leaves me with a happy smile on my face. 🙂 You'll be fine on your radio show!

    BTW… I'm pretty sure that's Roddy McDowell with Tab.

  2. Definitely Anthony Perkins. Nureyev's dancer's body was distinctive, as is Perkins' face. Can't wait to see what you do with that idea…

    Btw, loved Shakespeare and the bear!

  3. Unknown says:

    Ok, Amy – no worries here! Why? Because those of us that love you will call in and chat with you. No time to "heeerk-squirmish" when you're dealing with fangirls! Gentle Hugs, you're gonna ROCK this!

    "Bon-Bon" is cute! Kat has a fish – "Sir Didymus"…she was going to figure out a way to hide him somehow to fly him home with her, but decided she really didn't care for a close personal relationship with Homeland Security…..I won't share where he normally lives, but I'm certain that the RA's wouldn't begin to have a clue….

  4. Kim Fielding says:

    Will you bring a blanket for me to hide under too?

  5. Linda says:

    I also think that is Roddy McDowell…..

  6. Donna Lee says:

    Is that 9 am your time or my time? It's probably your local NPR station because I have never heard of the host. I'll have to check out the website and listen to you shine.

  7. Unknown says:

    I've heard you on interviews, You'll do Fabulous!!! Maybe a few more giggles thrown in than necessary but ya, you'll be great.
    uhm, don't want to burst any bubbles but that is Roddy Macdowell with Tab hunter. Something about an article called "callling all girls" http://www.xmoppet.org/scrapbook/movies0653/thumbs01.html see second page for this one. But lots of "buddy" action going on. LOL!

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