How to Get to 8 p.m. Without Even Trying

1.  Sleep in until 9.

2.  Wander into the kitchen and putter around on the computer without actually doing anything useful.

3.  At 10:30, jump feet first into a social media brouhaha in a burst of temper that threatens to take over your day.

4.  At twelve o’clock walk away to shower.

5.  At one o’clock make a vow to do the laundry, right after you write a few words.

6.  At three o’clock, recognize you’ve been falling asleep over your computer for the past two hours, and 200 words isn’t worth this time spent on your ass.

7.  At 3:10, cave into the inevitable and nap.

8.  At 4:10, wake up and try to write some more.

9.  At 4:30, give in to the siren call of the movie your husband is watching on television.  It’s one he really loves (The Proposal) and for some reason sitting down to watch the rest of this movie seems like a good idea.

10.  At 5:30, recognize that you’re not going to set the world on fire today.  Read a little.  For pleasure.  Resist the temptation to write a letter of confession to all the people to whom you owe things that don’t involve reading for pleasure.  Fight the impulse to send Tara Lain a thank you note for getting you out of your own head.

11.  At 6:30, begin dinner by initiating the countdown to the most evil foodstuff known to man:  Bacon.

12.  From 6:30-7:30 do an amazing thing: WRITE.  Also, add ground beef, noodles, olives, and spaghetti sauce.  We’re ingratiating ourselves to our family today having potentially pissed off all our friends.

13.  7:30– finish dinner.  Dish for family.  Eat.  It is decadent and fattening.  Much like your day.  Chat desultorily on computer as you eat.

14.  8:30– look at the clock and go, “Oh holy crap!  It’s 8:30 p.m., and I wasn’t even trying!”

15.  Open window to blog.

16.  Plan on another long night– after all, there are still words to be written.