How To Pull a Vacation Out of Your Ass in Three Easy Steps

Step 1: Mate says, “While we’re in So-Cal, let’s go to Disneyland for two days.” I, being very sober and financial minded, nix that proposition, but let Mate keep the hotel we’ve booked on the way to San Diego, as sort of a stopping point.

Step 2: Right before the Grapevine, realize, “HOLY SHIT! We’ve told the short people we’re going somewhere fun, and THEN we’re going to pass Disneyland on the way to the hotel, and THEN we’re going to stay in a hotel saturated with Mickey Mouse, et al, and THEN we’re going to drive two hours to Legoland? Parents have been thrown in jail for mental cruelty for less.’

Step 3: Mate gets on the computer and has his people knock over a liquor store in Monaco (I don’t know–YOU explain where we got the money for a two day pass to Disneyland!) and we take the kids to Disneyland. But not without some emotional repercussions. Shall I enumerate?

Repercussion 1: We really didn’t have the money. We both knew this. We gave the older kids twenty bucks a day, said, “That’s food and souvenirs. We eat the granola bars in the backpack, we fill our bottles with tapwater, and we soldier on.” And they were great–really great. On day 2, we ate at 11, got there at 12, and at nine o’clock, Mate finally caved and said, “I”m starving and I can’t wait until we leave. Let’s eat!” And people–I didn’t hear one word of whining. They knew we had pulled a rush job and changed all our plans-they were just so happy to be at Disneyland with their little brother and sister that they would put up with anything–even starvation and scant souvenirs.

Repercussion 2: We were so wiped after two days, that the wild animal park–which was supposed to be the big furry trip crown jewel, was really just one more hike though the heat. And they were tired. They were so tired that when we got back to the hotel about half an hour ago, they just wanted to play quietly with their Mr. Potato Heads (I said ‘scant’ souvenirs, not NO souvenirs!) and take a bath. The end. With any luck we’ll make it to the beach tonight, and I have a promised yarn crawl tomorrow (there are a lot of yarn shops on the way home–I’m hitting a couple of them, mostly to look. And to ask for stuff that shows I know my shit–like Cherry Hill Possum Sock and Wool in the Woods.) But that’s it, the kids are toasted, mom & dad are toasted, and I start school on Monday.

Repercussion 3: Yes. We did. We just killed the fucking cat so the short people could go to Disneyland. We’re such total hosers, I don’t know why they gave us a license to reproduce.

And that’s the short of it. I’ll give you some more deets on my next post, because there were some really lovely moments–revenge by Fantasmic, sleeping toddlers through cannon shots, and four year olds on Pirates of the Caribbean all figure prominently, and if you all can still stand me after the cat thing, I think you’d like to hear the rest! I’ll try for pictures, but the problem with blogger is not the picture compression nor the way I do it–it’s that Mate (or the kids) and I are always on the internet at the same time. When I upload pictures, either A. I kill his WoW character or B. The pictures don’t post–the internet decides which, and mostly lately, it’s been punishing me–probably because I have the smaller, least powerful computer. I’ll try to hit the net when it’s just me and the pix, but no guarantees!

Off for sandwiches on the beach!

0 thoughts on “How To Pull a Vacation Out of Your Ass in Three Easy Steps”

  1. Danielle says:

    I knew you were going to San Diego, but I wish I’d known you were near Disneyland! We live 10 minutes from the park and have passes. Next time you haul the family down here, I’ll take better note and meet up with you somewhere!

  2. Galad says:

    Flexible and adaptable wins the day again! Sounds like you had a great time, though exhausting and you deserve a yarn crawl.

    The Blogger picture issue now becomes clear. Hopefully you can find some quiet time and post every photo you’ve tried to get in plus vacation 🙂 Did you get Mickey ears?

  3. roxie says:

    Darling girl, you did not kill the cat. The cat, not being immortal, will die sooner or later no matter WHAT you do, no matter how much money you spend on him. Treasure your memories of the trip, thank the tall ones for being SUCH good sports, give DQ affection in whatever way he likes it best, and gird your loins for Monday, Hugs and love to you,and welcome home.

    PS, I have read that if you promise to give a man a blow job he will do anything you want, and you don’t even really have to follow through. Maybe you could negotiate for an hour of exclusive computer time so you can upload photos. This may be too raw to post, but since you have editorial control, I offer it as a suggestion.

  4. Amy Lane says:

    Roxie, that advice was too good not to publish:-)

  5. gemma says:

    What Roxie said. Some people don’t know when to let go with pets. We love them and treat them like peeps. But they’re not, they’re animals, and should not live on through multiple medical procedures and horrible things, just to satisfy our need.

    *hugs* (I have had many pets in my life time) and hate to lose even one.

    I am so glad you guys had fun.zplzwr

  6. I may get shot down for this, but I’d choose Disneyland over the cat too, The cats, been good, it’s been there, happy to sit on your lap when your knitting, eat your yarn, but now its time to let go, and what better way to distract the kids from it then with memories of seeing mickey mouse in person? lol, so don’t worry we still love ya 🙂

  7. I’m glad you made the trip AND that it was a good one! Your tall people are amazing. They deserve a bajillin kudos for sacrificing so the short people could have their fun too! What absolutely awesome humans you’ve made!
    I hope you have an awesome first day back tomorrow. I’m a touch jealous.

  8. TinkingBell says:

    Hmmm- may need to refer to Roxie’s advice…..

    But the memories of what you did for the kids and the fun they had – and I’m really sorry aboutt he cat, but truly, when it’s someones time, that’s it – dwell on the good – I think the Karma will even out!

  9. roxie says:

    Let us know how it works? It’s always been golden for me.

  10. Catie says:

    I understand the picture issue much better now – it is similar to my mom’s issue: wireless… I’m glad y’all enjoyed disneyland and I hope pictures will post soon. School starts that early now?! WTF – I remember (I feel old typing that line = sad…) that it used to start the tuesday after the first monday of September (I guess it would have been easier to type “the day after labor day…”). When did it start starting in the middle of September?

  11. Donna Lee says:

    I’m with Roxie. The cat will do what it’s supposed to do. 100 years ago, no one would question spending money on an animal vs the family. No guilt here. Vacations are so exhausting. It’s a wonder we want to take them at all. It sounds like you and your wonderful kids had a blast. And I say, negotiate for the computer time. We want to see the photos…

  12. Louiz says:

    What Roxie said…

    And I’m glad you had a great time, hope the yarn crawl was everything you wanted

  13. NeedleTart says:

    Put my vote with Roxie, too. Well except for that PS thing. In my experience that just leads to…..never mind.
    Glad you had fun with the kinder and hope you found some loose change rattling around in the bottom of your sand-encrusted bag for yarn.
    School starts here on the 26. I’ll be thinking of you.

  14. Sounds like everyone had a good time.

  15. ismarah says:

    Wow – this whole thing sounds great! Am very jealous, despite the marathon aspect of it.

    speaking as someone who just celebrated their wedding anniversary by going on roller coasters, I completely understand the impulse to do Disney rather than Lego.

    further, speaking as someone who did those roller coasters on day 4 of having 2 x 16 year old girls visiting (guess what we did for the other three days? yeah, we went shopping, whilst hiding a sight-seeing trip to London amongst the bags. Dog now has separation anxiety.) I very much appreciate just how much you have to want to do all of this when really, a cold bath for your feet sounds sooo much better.

    further still, speaking as someone who is 10-15 years older than the next set of kids down, not being left out is important. even when you're almost a grown up. even if you know that mom and dad are broke. it makes you appreciate it even more and ask for less.

    (i'm doing my own marathon here)

    yet further, speaking as someone who has NOT had a holiday this year (and won't!) and has in fact endured crappy weather for most of the summer – I'd like to exclaim loudly in envy, possibly using some foreign swearwords.

    I will refrain, but just know that I'm thinking in %&^$*!@£@ in icelandic.

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