That I often ignore.
* Don’t buy seasonal candy. It will bankrupt you. Ask me how I know.
* Yes, you WILL use all that toilet paper.
* No, you don’t need a whole new pot pan system.
* Nor do you need new bedding unless that’s what you specifically came in for.
* Nor do you need that movie you had no idea was out.
* Yes! Shoot–yes, you need that outfit for ZoomBoy and his choir presentation! Go back go back go back!
* If the child not scheduled to get anything who has not whined for anything nor requested anything nor hinted for anything decided to adopt an inexpensive holiday ornament and call it Bernard… let it go.
* There really are cuter pet outfits at PetSmart. Don’t impulse buy.
* You CAN buy all the baby clothes, even though you only know one baby personally. Back away, slowly. And STOP COUNTING the days until you have grandchildren.
* I don’t care what the grocery aisles say– there is no dinner for you here.
* Your husband already bought the exact same color comforter. Twice. Because it was on sale and the dogs chewed on it, that’s why. The point is, Mate needs to walk away from the mint green cotton quilt even if it’s the most comfortable blanket we’ve ever owned.
* No thank you, I do not want to apply for your card, then walk away and pay up the account at the other counter. THIS CONFUSES ME. I’ll just politely decline the card like I always do. You know, before it can reject me.
* You already had your coffee– the Starbucks is an ineffective ploy.
* This IS sucking up your nap time, so be prepared to go to bed early, more tired than usual.
* Congratulate yourself if you spend less than $100.
* No, didn’t manage to do that either–but I did make it out alive!
HOORAY FOR ME!
Uh, sort of.
Hey– does anybody want some Halloween Candy? I think I took yours….. No, I’m not saying Target doesn’t have anymore. I’m just saying it seemed like it, I was exaggerating. Look, fine–here, have a bag, and you can’t make me admit there’s more!