In Which We All Get Schooled…

By Ladybug, no less.

I had to bring Ladybug to a staff meeting today–and the hilarity was not entirely unexpected, but very satisfying nonetheless.

* Chapter 1–In which I pick Ladybug up late (because I was correcting papers since I had to be at school anyway.) The little booger beat me out the door– “Stop talking, mom, I want to go!” I might add that she chose (yes, SHE chose) the striped, inadvertently felted sweater on her way out the door this morning, and she waited just long enough to put it on before she dodged out of the baby-sitters door. Blessed little muffin, showing off for mom!

* Chapter 2–In which she clapped every time the staff applauded for another speaker. (Very cute.)

* Chapter 3– In which I tried to move her to the table with my focus group, and she cried until I went back and moved HER SPECIFIC chair to the appropriate place. (Mmm, no. Not cute at all.)

* Chapter 4–In which she vociferously complained should I neglect to help her with the stamping/coloring/stamp-coloring craft station I set up to occupy her. She actually did this fairly quietly for 1/2 an hour–I was impressed.

* Chapter 5– In which my department head (the one who ended up with the Cave Troll’s puppet because, quite frankly, I didn’t want it back after what had been done to it) decided to mess with Ladybug’s head. They had a little bowl of candy at the table, and I snagged a Laffy-Taffy for Ladybug. Mr. Trick stole it from her and hid it under his hands. (This man claims he doesn’t like kids.) Ladybug sent him a look of complete contempt, and then looked at me for help. While she was turned towards me, he dropped the candy back in the bowl, I snagged it and gave it to Ladybug, and he stole it again and dropped it in the bowl. Now folks, I live with four kids–this game was officially old for me this morning, as I was getting dressed and we were playing it with two kids and shoes. I snagged the damned Laffy-Taffy one more time, unwrapped it and gave it to Ladybug.

Ladybug held it between her thumb and her forefinger and glared at Mr. Trick–her expression was a priceless cross between ‘Were you serious?’ and ‘Fuck you and the broom you rode in on!’

Mr. Trick laughed and looked at me–it was clear the English Teacher Department Head had just been schooled.

* Chapter 6–In which she continues to impress people. Mr. Cool (the guy who took my photo for the website) has an eight-month old at home, and he was absolutely enchanted by Ladybug. As we stood outside and talked, she ran around and made noises (most of them obnoxious teenager noises, like ‘I want to go home now, mom!’) and Mr. Cool just grinned and said, “Oh, she’s cute.”

“You think she’s cute?” I asked, amused. “Hey, Ladybug–what do you say when you drop something?”

To which Ladybug replied, “Oh crap!” without batting an eyelash.

Mr. Cool laughed his ass off. I told him it won’t be quite so cute when his own kid did that trick in two years, but he didn’t believe me.

* Chapter 7– In which I return home to complete chaos and a royalty check that might just get us through Christmas. I go out to get toilet paper, hair gel, milk and take-out.

* Chapter 8–I forgot the milk.

* Chapter 9–Mate, blessed Mate, said, “Uhm, Wow.” And then went and got the milk for me. I love that guy–I’d have his babies for him, but that’s been done. And thank Goddess, it is, well and truly, done.