It’s not a block…

Well, the wedding was beautiful yesterday–I’m not exactly a church person, but they had this lovely side-by-side interweaving of Sonnet 116 and that verse from Corinthians that EVERYONE reads during a wedding (Faith, Hope, and Love, but the greatest of these is love…ringing bells?) and it was something only an English Major/minister’s daughter & son (as the bride and groom were) would have thought of and I was very appreciative. Of course I burst into tears when the bride (who is pretty spectacular looking when she’s wearing jeans and a sweatshirt) walked on the scene. I mean, who doesn’t?

Of course, Mate and I being the complete doofuses we are had to jet out of the reception early. Part of it was to get the kids, the the other part–the embarrassing part–was that we hadn’t had any lunch. So we hadn’t had any lunch but there was all this chocolate lying around the car, and on the way to the reception, we stuffed our faces with chocolate. And then we actually LOOKED at the program and saw that the reception was a dessert reception. By the time the bride and groom got there we were woozy and queasy with sugar shock–and feeling stupid, too, because we’d been looking at the program all through the wedding, but how stupid were we not to stop at McDonalds for some damned protein, right? But seriously, we were both fighting the urge to hurl–and, again, the kids. Grandma’s babysitting service only extends so far, right? So we said hello to the bride & groom–the bride, who is naturally gracious anyway, made me really feel as though my presence was important–don’t you just love those people? She’s like, 25 years old, but when I grow up, I want to be Danielle! Anyway, on we went to raid the nearest drive-thru. And that’s when it hit us.

Elk Grove, CA, is the city of the freakin’ damned.

What city that can call itself a city doesn’t have a McDonalds? Seriously, in five miles of road we spotted two Carl’s Jr., one KFC, (on the wrong side of the street), a Burger King (gag) and not one McDonalds to be seen. The funny part was, that after we finally agreed to a C.J.’s, we were cruising along, I was knitting a garter bias scarf for the student who DIDN’T offer “not being a bitch” as his incentive (he just said he’d be really grateful), and there was this peaceful silence–the kind couples who’ve been married for a bit can allow to descend–and suddenly Mate speaks:

“Look. We’re at a freeway onramp with no fast food to be seen. I hate Elk Grove. I don’t want to live here.” It was such a non-sequiter that I don’t think I stopped laughing for about ten minutes.

But Mate isn’t the only one to pop a one-liner in the past few days.

We were on the way to Mate’s mom’s in another one of those peaceful silences, when suddenly, the Cave Troll Speaketh:

“Look, mom. Cows. I like cows” And then there was silence as Mate and I looked at each other and giggled helplessly. Who doesn’t like cows?

MY friend Wendy, delivered a good line, along with a kick-ass family gift today as well. The family gift was the game ‘Rock Band’–have you people seen this? YOu can hook up a drum set, a couple of guitars (including the one from guitar hero) and a microphone into your X-box 360 and, holy crap, you’re a rock band! The guitars and the drums are pretty easy. You hit the color coordinated key when the color comes up on the screen, and hullo, you’re playing. The vocals? Well–let’s just say that the Rolling STones ‘Shelter’ is harder to sing than it seems when you’re belting along with the car stereo, and for some reason, no one can stay on pitch with ‘should I stay or should I go’ but the guy who sang it in the first place. The funniest moment was when the Cave Troll had a mongo melt down because mom was trying to do vocals and HE wanted possession of the microphone. So I was singing into the microphone while he was screaming at the world at large…(Ooooohhh…childre…it’s just a shout away, it’s just a shout away…) and the family was cracking up because I got 89% vocal precision with the preschoolers’ nuclear holocaust going on just inches from my ears.

Anyway, the funny line came as we were making our people (mine is named ‘Amy Lane’, and I gave her fantastic boobs and a humongulous ass–I would have made her middle thick, but the program didn’t work that way, so she’s got this tremendous va-va-voom body. I was very proud.) And we had to pick a band name. Wendy choise ‘Yu Suk’ because that way, for all our practice runs when we really sucked, the crowd would scream ‘You suck!’ and we could take that as a compliment. We thougth this was tremendously hilarious, until the Cave Troll kept pointing the microphone at us and saying, “Hey–you suck!” We made Auntie Wendy promise to take all the heat for that.

So it was a good day, all in all…and the title of the post? Well, I’m still writing Rath’s creepy-assed character, and I don’t wanna. I’m gonna knit instead. And then, when all the kids are sleeping? I’ll confront that bastard where he lives…his compartmentalized mechanical heart. So I’m not writing BmoonII right now–but it’s not a block.

0 thoughts on “It’s not a block…”

  1. What a great weekend! Way better then playing on the computer and dreaming about serial killers on a ship.

    Word verification: nutanyew

  2. roxie says:

    Oh dear, I’m too old to play Rock Band. I will need remedial training for half the songs. Do they have any by Buddy Holly? Elvis? The Beach Boys? Sounds like a much needed and delightful day.

    Great wedding, too.

  3. Donna Lee says:

    What a fun game. My daughter Kate is the queen of the non sequitars. All of a sudden, she comes out with the oddest things. We call it “having a katie moment”, kinda like a senior moment but way more fun.

  4. Galad says:

    What fun – I wish you had taped your performance for You Tube – it would be a classic! Glad you enjoyed yourself.

  5. TinkingBell says:

    Sounds like great fun – but you also have called the band ‘Gett Orfff’! (but I do like Yu Suk!

  6. MadMad says:

    Oh, I am terrible at one-line things. Brevity eludes me. So here are two lines: You are too damn funny, woman. And happy new year!

  7. Bells says:

    oh that’s too funny – the chocolate in the car on the way to a dessert reception. LOL!

  8. Danielle says:

    I was catching up on your blog and the thought struck me–ooh, I wonder if she mentioned the wedding? I’m just as narcissistic as the rest of us. 🙂

    Your presence DID matter. I’m very glad you came! And that someone else appreciated the sonnet/scripture reading. And I’m so sorry about the food thing. Ack! What an afternoon for you! I’m glad you stuck it out long enough to say hi. I was operating under the delusions that I’d have time to actually hang out with the guests–who knew that doing trying to talk to a hundred and fifty people in an hour or two just isn’t possible?

    Oh, and Elk Grove does have a couple of McD’s…but they apparently hide them well! Thanks for coming!

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