I’m afraid I’m going random style today–sorry. I’ve been trying to dredge up something coherent all day, and it just isn’t flying. Brain on sludge–talk to me after Christmas!
* I hate my 3rd period class. A lot. Someone VANDALIZED A FUCKING DESK today–I caught it in time to wipe that thing clean but after searching umpteen back-packs I didn’t find the damned pen. Fucking kids. I know which asshole did it, too, but I just can’t pin it on him and I’m SO tired of this shit!!! I had a vile thought today–I thought I was GLAD that fucker is failing–and I AM!!! And do you know why I can’t feel guilty about it? I can’t feel guilty about it because even if he takes my class again–hell, even if he takes 11th grade English four more times, he will not have wasted any more of his life force than he has wasted for the rest of us combined during the LAST FOURTEEN WEEKS! (*kicks table*) AUUUUUUUGHHHH!!!!!!!! I’m pissed all over again. Shit.
* Ladybug keeps trying to be a cat. She crawls on the back of the sofa, sits at our feet, crawls up on my chest and lays on top of my knitting looking at me and saying *meow* (I am NOT kidding!) What’s sad is that it finally hit me how cute this is–I mean, how seriously damned cute. And I almost missed it because I was fantasizing about rolling someone else’s kid in honey and leaving him for those big fucking red ants in Indiana Jones Nuked the Fridge. Yup. It’s official. I’ve hit the place where I hate my job again.
* Big T’s school had a lockdown this morning while T was taking his ASVAB because some idiot brought a weapon to school. I think I should keep that imaginary anthill ready– T might need it.
* I’m knitting a big honkin’ acrylic guilty pleasure with sockyarn. Seriously–brought out the whoopty twelves and went for it–and the scarf is just cruising! Easy Christmas present for a muggle–I’m down with this bad mama!
* The short people had a riot going to bed tonight. I just thought I’d throw that in for color–it helped to top off my mood like whipped cream and a formaldahyde cherry!
* I’m reading–seriously–I’ve finished almost two books in two weeks. Ten years ago, that would have been nuthin’. Today, it’s like fitting into my skinny pants!!! I miss reading for pleasure–it used to be one of the things that kept me sane, which nowadays, I think means I’m not sane in the least. (I’m sure the surprise that I’m completely loony-bo-batshit has most of you just glued to the floor, doesn’t it?)
* Eric my old student visited me today. There is something wonderful about having someone who laughs at your jokes and doesn’t judge your, uhm, alternative lifestyle erotic paranormal romance (read: gay werewolf porn) as anything other than thoughtful entertainment come and talk to you. It’s like having a friend in real life–it’s occurred to me that I don’t have may of those. I really am an internet geek–ah, well. It was bound to happen.
* Eric’s visit meant that I missed the yarn-club meeting at school. On the one hand I’m bummed–some nice people there. On the other hand, the EXTREMELY judgmental colleague who finishes every sentence I utter with the words ‘Yarn Geek’ as though it’s funny–you know, like taking your favorite book and adding ‘in you pants to the end’–“The Great Gatsby–in your pants!”–anyway, I wasn’t forced to visit her. I was relieved. She’s really mean.
* I would like to lose weight, but I have to stop using cheese as a main ingredient and cookies as a diet supplement. I’m sure once I do that, everything else will follow.
* I remember this time last year–I wrote the post about the Mean Scorpio Moon. I can feel this time of year in my gut and lungs–and it is mean. It’s vicious, it’s hopeless, it’s an astrological tantrum in my bones. All I ask for is the strength to not just hunker down and endure, but to turn around and snarl in the face of the gnawing hopelessness and chew some sinew from the things that piss me off. Canya gimme a little grit and gumption, Goddess? I knew you could–amen!