Mo—ommmmmm!!!!!

“Mo–omm! I’m bored. Take me somewhere RIGHT NOW!”

“Sorry, Squish, we’ve got nothing on the menu until we pick up Chicken and Zoomboy, and then you go to dance lessons.”

“But I don’t WANT to go to dance lessons. That’s not the somewhere I meant!”

***

“Mo–omm! What do you think of the Lawrence Olivier Hamlet?”

“Uhm… it was in black and white and it went really slowly.”

“I think they were trying to make it too much like Citizen Kane!”

“And I think that was just ’40’s movie making!”

“Well *I* think they were trying to make it too much like Citizen Kane!”

“Are we really arguing over this, Big T? It was made at a time when they were supposed to be showcasing the language, okay? Yeah- not the most stimulating filmmaking ever!”

“Okay–if they were supposed to be showcasing the language, why is my stupid English teacher making us READ the abridged version?”

“Okay– we’re NOT using Hamlet as a reason to beat up on your English teacher… for cryin’ out loud, are the dishes done yet?”

“Fine. I’m going to my room.”

“Fine. Just finish the dishes first!”

***

“Mo-omm! I had a poop. And I flushed it. But it didn’t go down because it was too big. And the water pressure wasn’t strong enough to turn it into little pieces of small poop, so now the poop is stuck because the hole is too small for the poop to fit into!”

“That was, uhm, extremely detailed and informative, son. Next time, maybe just say, ‘The toilet’s plugged’?”

“But I had a poop…”

***

“Mo-omm–that book you’re letting me read is SO funny!”

“Yeah? Which part are you at, Chicken?”

(Quotes Drool, from “Fool” by Christopher Moore) “Pocket, I shagged a ghost!” “I know, Drool, it couldn’t be helped.”

(Happily) “Oh Fuckstockings!”

“Yeah, Mom. Best. Book. Ever.”

***

Yeah– sometimes, answering the calls of offspring to parent yields some pretty nifty rewards. (And sometimes, it just warns you to use the other bathroom and buy the Kenneth Brannagh version of Hamlet!)