Mom! Mom! Mom!

Mom! Mom! Mom! It’s morning– we have to get the kids to school, and then get our coffee and our sausage patty and then go home and get WALKIES!


There are no kids going to school? We get no rides? No coffee? No sausage patty? NO WALKIES?

You are going to leave us home?

You’re going to LEAVE US HOME???

What are you going to do out there in the big wide world, when you leave us home?

A soccer tournament.


That’s why you’re leaving us here?

A soccer tournament.

So. You sit. In the cold. And watch the kids play soccer.

We are not impressed.

Especially with the mid-level boy– ZoomBoy. He can’t concentrate long enough to play an entire game. The ref thinks he’s autistic. (This is unfortunately true– the ref asked Mate if that kid spacing out in midfield was autistic–Mate replied, “Nope, he’s just mine.”)

But Mom– who will be there that is as interesting as us? There will be NO animals on the field– there are no dogs allowed.

It’s not like you know anyone.  It’s not like you’ve been at soccer for any length of time and have made friends.

So uh… you’re going to go… no sausage. *sulk* No coffee. *sigh* No *sob* walkies.

But we’re gonna be all over you when you get back in the door. Knitting time? You think so? Oh no. You’ll be lucky if you can finish that pink thing for your friend’s kid.

We’re gonna be all over you like flies on poop.


We will sleep for HOURS.

On you.

There will be restitution. There will be rides. And coffee. And sausage. And WALKIES. All at the end of the rainbow. On Monday.

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