So Sacramento usually has one transition week between winter and summer–one real “spring” like week, where the weather is perfect 75 degrees, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the weather is A-OK.
Yeah– that week happened when we were in San Diego–too bad, so sad, it’s 93 or higher from now on, this is our life now.
Anyway– that gives some context to our ride home.
I’ve got the air conditioner on because HOT and we’re listening to an audiobook and the kids are like TAKE ME TO WATER but all silently.
And the audiobook is really good–it’s romantic suspense, and the cops are after a teenager who didn’t do it and…
And then there’s this smell.
This TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE SMELL.
But the audiobook is on and is the kid going to get caught and suddenly Squish, ZoomBoy and I are rolling down our windows and letting the blast of hot air wipe us out.
And the smell goes on.
The voice on the speaker pauses, the chapter ends, and Squish goes, “ZoomBoy, if that was you, keep your window down or get the hell out of the car!”
“Hey! Don’t blame me, blame the ham! It’s getting hot back here!”
The audiobook starts again, and for a minute, we all think about rolling our windows up again.
And change our minds.
And anybody outside the car at that intersection got a healthy dose of murder mystery–but only if they survived the stench.
So when ZoomBoy comes out of his room tonight as I’m doing Avengers Swag Assemble and Squish is doing homework, it’s only a little bit funny when he goes, “This is a test of the Emergency Flatulence system. This is only a test.” And then proceeds to do armpit farts.
Because if this was an actual Flatulence Emergency, it would have been followed by screaming, gagging, retching, and the whole lot of us attempting to flee from the living room by any means necessary.
But now you see why we needed the test.
