So Mate and I are out of the little kid birthday game. When do you send out invitations again? One week before the party? Two? I thought one–I remember missing parties where the lead in was too long. Mate thought two–but he forgot to remind me two weeks before the party, and I’m the one who buys the invitations. So we were aiming for one, got them out on Tuesday, except Zoom Boy was responsible for handing them out and there were socio/political/educational blocks in the way of handing them out at recess.

He didn’t get them out until Thursday.

Nobody’s RSVP’d yet.

Nobody’s coming to my little boy’s birthday party except family.


So we sit down with Zoom Boy to warn him. “Honey, we got those invitations out awfully late–it might just be family.”

“That’s okay.”

“I mean, Mom & Dad & Grandma & Grandpa… those other kids, we didn’t give them enough warning.” *twist knife of failed motherhood deeper into the heart*

“Will I have cake?”

“Yeah. Remember– we already ordered it.” For lots of people. We’ll have cake fore DAYS.

“Will I have a bunk bed?” Fuck. Fuck. The fucking bunk bed–it was a suggestion–I sounded him out for it, and he liked it, but we had the dog puking problem and had a thought that we might pay of that traffic ticket that’s about to put a warrant out for my arrest before we got another bill and…

“No, sweetheart. We’ll just get you a bunk bed anyway.” Hell, Mate just sold stock at a ridiculously low price. Let’s go bunk bed! “And I’ll tell you what! It doesn’t have to be a birthday present. You’ll get toys for your birthday. Lots and lots of toys.” Because in spite of the ridicule I just got from a colleague for wearing craptastic clothes to school, we WILL spend money on more worthless pieces of plastic if they make you happy after I have fucked up this day beyond repair!

“Will Auntie Wendy be there?”

“Absolutely.” Score one for motherhood#win. Don’t look at the #fail column. Do. Not. Look.

“Then it will be good. Can I have all the little robots?”

The little robots we bought to put in the goodie bags no one will get because no one will make it?


“It will be good! I love you mom!”

“I love you too, Zoom Boy.”

Excuse me now while I go look up the cost of shrinks. We may need to start putting money away for one. I can’t #fail ALL the time.

0 thoughts on “Motherhood#fail/Motherhood#win”

  1. Robots and cake… Sounds good to me! 🙂 I'm sure he'll have a great time.

  2. roxie says:

    Fewer guests equals more cake for zoom boy. Sounds like a good birthday equation to me. You remembered the birthday, provided cake and beloved families. Sounds like you have done everything the boy could ever dream of. Mom – WIN!

  3. Galad says:

    He'll have great time no matter what!

  4. Siercia says:

    You know, my Widget had one year that it turned out almost no one could make it to her party. She didn't even really seem to care – she got to go bowling, there was ice cream cake and presents, and she had fun. He might not be as scarred as you fear. Plus, there may be people who don't RSVP but just show up.

  5. Donna Lee says:

    I'm with Roxie. Fewer guests means more cake for breakfast. And i'd totally keep all the robots. It doesn't sound like a bad birthday at all.

    Mostly kids don't remember them. Ask Chicken or Big T what they remember about their kid birthdays. I'm always surprised. Here we are planning EVENTS and they remember -nothing. In my opinion, it's what keeps them off the psychiatrist's couch…..

  6. Uh, dorko. I have two boys who would happily have attended a birthday party. Why didn't you call me?

  7. DecRainK says:

    Quality not quantity


  8. Why do people think birthday parties have to be huge affairs? You remembered invited family, he gets presents, and cake. He'll be good.

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