New Acronyms and other Detritus

* First of all, I DO promise a picture of the new tattoo–I do I do… just not tonight!

* Not tonight because Chicken started dance lessons again. It’s cool–she’s with adults, so there is a lot of “look at me, I’m a ballerina” pressure off. She is NOT a ballerina, but it does look like she’s finally starting to enjoy dancing to dance.

* I fell asleep at dance practice. I was thinking of starting lessons, but, well, I got a tattoo and an iPod instead. It felt like overkill. So I sat on the butt-sucking couch and knit. And then put on my sunglasses and fell asleep.

* The dance teacher tried to wake me up by playing “It’s Raining Men” REALLY LOUD. *snork* As if THAT would work.

* The reason I woke up was because I was a victim of SOLPS– Sudden Onset Levitational Pee Syndrome.

* I made that up myself–can I bow now?

* On Sunday, I took Ladybug and The Cave Troll to the park. Ladybug delighted everybody by climbing on top of the slide, sticking her head out and calling, “Hey guys! I’m here! Come play with me!”

* We knew nobody there. I don’t know who she was talking to.

* Three older girls immediately came to answer her command. I guess it didn’t matter.

* We took Ladybug and Cave Troll to Rubios for lunch today. They ate nothing. They spent THEIR time watching the fish–in particular, the snail. That was an eel. That they called ‘Gary’. So, yeah– Mate and I ate, and Ladybug and The Cave Troll spent their time ‘meowing’ at the eel who wasn’t the snail from Spongebob. Smart, yes. Genius? Well… maybe the Wile E. Coyote variety.

* A conversation between Chicken and I on the phone:

“Mom, can you bring my cat bag? It’s in my room.”

“Define ‘In your room”–that covers a lot of ground.”

“It’s under my table, next to my bed, under a drawer, or under the crap on the far side of the bed…”

“I’m not feeling it–can you give me some better directions?”

“I don’t know, maybe it fell into a ‘creveese’ or something.”

“A creveese? Is that anything like a ‘crevice’?

“Stop laughing! Did you find my bag?”

“Yeah–it was in a creveese!”

“Would you stop laughing!”

“Tough–I’m giving you crap about that forever!”

“Well I’m giving you crap about writing gay porn!”

“At least my guys can say ‘crevice’ when they need to find one.”

“Shut up and find my cat bag.”

“I found it–why aren’t you calling from your cell phone?”

“It’s in my cat bag. Come get me.”

“My wish is but to serve.”

I don’t know– do you think I taught her sarcasm well enough, or does she need to spend some more time in my company for lessons?

* Big T showed me his pants–they were ripped in half at the waist.

* It happened in his last class when he stood up.

* I told him, “Well, we’ll have to go get you some new pairs.”

* “God, mom, I have to go *shopping*?” (whine whine whine)

* Swear to crap, people, that boy would rather wear those pants!!!

* And last but not least, Chicken ratted her father out for something he did a month or two ago, but it still cracked me up. Mate was driving Chicken to school–she was sitting right next to him, reading. The Cave Troll was in the back seat behind him, zoning out. All was quiet, all was peaceful, all was serene–for twenty-five minutes, it was quiet, peaceful, and serene. (Uhm, guys? Guys? It only takes ten minutes to get to Chicken’s school… anybody in the car… anybody?) And then, Chicken said, “Dad, can we find anything else to listen to on the radio?”

And dad said, “Holy shit, I forgot you were in the car! Why didn’t you say something, I was about to get on the freeway–I’m nearly at work!”

* Hee hee hee… I’m gonna laugh about that for a long time.

* Because I’ve done the same damn thing, that’s why!

Good night everybody!