New Hobbies

Okay– so a big weekend–and not just because Tart and Sweet came out Monday, either!

Yesterday, I said goodbye to the cockroach of cell phones after a long and bitter struggle.

See, when I first got a smart phone, I went for the Microsoft phone, because I totally got the platform and the organization.

I just understood how that thing worked, immediately–and that doesn’t always happen to me and electronics.  I used to equate iPhone users and Microsoft users to classic essay outliners and bubble-outliners–it’s just a different way to organize your thinking.

I still believe that–but what I didn’t count on was the people who manufactured the Microsoft platform bailing on their products like the stinking cowards they are.

The phones that came out were more and more unsupportive of their technology–finding a universal app in a Microsoft format was more and more difficult. My phone refused to upload it, and if it DID upload an app, the platform–which was the whole reason I got the damned phone–managed to make it completely unusable.

And the damned thing kept forgetting where it put its data.

Like, it would claim it had no room, but that’s because it’s OS took up too much room for it to remember to store shit on the SD card.

And damn– the thing wouldn’t break. I lost track of the times I dropped it, had it pop out of the case, land on the ground, have the BATTERY pop out of the phone, while I stepped on the whole assemblage. No, not on purpose– I am that clumsy. And then, you pick it up, you put it all together, and BAM. It works exactly as shitty as it did before it got stepped on–but not a tiny bit shittier.

So I caved.

I got an iPhone.

I’m one of the masses.

I’m a convert. *strokes iPhone* I would change my brain waves for you, precious. I shall attempt to outline in bubble format. I may even learn a new language. *strokes more* Oh my God… I’m suddenly attracted to Pokemon Go like it’s a hot guy with a boner.

So,   we did that!

And today, we went bowling.

Now I started out a disaster at this.

Not even kidding. My arthritic knee and hip were giving me grief and I just walked up very very careful of my fat and aging bod.

And then… at the beginning of the second game… it happened.

I remembered something that pissed me off.

I try not to get too negative on the internet– I used to be a fan of the outrage machine, but in the past years, I’ve begun to see that the jizz-wank mechanism of getting off on anger is just really destructive. (In fact, I sort of blame it for the mess of our politics–but that’s another blog post.) So, not as much raging on the internet–a long, dedicated period of trying very hard not to be a mad scotswoman with an axe.

But where does all the rage go? The temper is still there, and even if the intellect tells the passion that it is wrong, that does not mean the passion can simply extinguish without snuffing out the joy as well? The rage has to go SOMEWHERE–knitting, hatesex in a book (but I’m not writing any right now), housecleaning (HAHAHAHAHAHA)  but, you know, SOMEWHERE.

Oh, my children. I have discovered a wondrous thing.

I have discovered bowling.

I walked up to lay down that ten pound ball (because I’m not that strong and I don’t want to poing anything that shouldn’t be poinged) and suddenly, I was remembering that one jerk from the internet and POW.  I was throwing a ten pound ball at HIS HEAD. And then I was making an argument against my least favorite politician, and BAM. Smashed into Cheetoh dust. And then I was pissed at — well, you name it. My oncoming birthday, the state of my finances, global warming, the price of dog antibiotics, the asshole colleague who routinely humiliated me in the staffroom seven years ago–and I had the name of that stressor pasted on a bowling pin in my mind.

And then I smashed its face in with a bowling ball.

It was *pause for dramatic ecstatic shudder* WONDERFUL.

I walked away from those two games of bowling a little bit sore and a little bit tired and a LOT relaxed.

So there you go. Two things I never thought I’d embrace– the iPhone and bowling.

I’m not quick on the draw, but gees am I excited when I shoot!

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