I was in the kitchen, writing, when the Cave Troll came running in all upset–“Mama, mama, SPIDERS. SPIDERS.”
I trot into the living room, ready to vanquish an evil dust-bunny or a daddy-longlegs or something, but I can’t see what’s blowing his little mind.
“Mate? Mate–do you see spiders?”
“Oh yeah–they’re all over there–by your chair…”
They? What ‘THEY’?
OH HOLY GOD…THERE’S HUNDREDS OF THEM…TINY WHITE ONES…CRAWLING EVERYWHERE…RIGHT BY MY KNITTING, AND MY DRINK AND RIGHT WHERE MY HEAD WAS ONLY AN HOUR AGO AS I SAT IN MY CHAIR.
AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, wait…I didn’t put that in quotations marks, and it was an EXACT QUOTE.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!”
The big kids come running in. “Mom–what’s wrong? What’s the problem? What was that noise?”
“Forget that noise. Where’s the FUCKING DUSTBUSTER!!!” (Another exact quote. I”m so proud.)
And then there was the dustbuster and then Mate with the real vacuum and then me, looking forlornly at my knitting chair, thinking, “Oh really. When am I going to sit THERE again?”
I have two words for you all.
BUG BOMB.
