Nobody Gives Awards For Shagging a Cat

First of all, have I introduced you all to the timesuck that will have you laughing until you wet your pants?  Seriously.  I love this effin’ dog!  Texts From My Dog  Seriously– go and see where I got the title of the blog, and then come back and tell me how long you spent laughing until you howled.  Funniest thing I’ve ever read.

Okay– maybe a little more than nothin’, but less than exciting!  It’s summer vacation people– I don’t know what else to tell you.  Zoomboy has started soccer again, Squish starts next week, Mate’s going on a business trip, Big T got his driver’s permit (that’s an EEEK!  as well as an EEEEEEEE!! there people!) and Chicken is about to start a tumblr with humiliating comics featuring me as a chubby, nearsighted hamster who can’t get over herself.  (I said they were embarrassing– I didn’t say they weren’t true!)

Seriously– what’s to add?

It’s been a hundred bajillion degrees here, and besides soccer, the kids have had a chance to swim at my moms or play in the junior sized pool here, and I’ve been staying tan and fat (yet hopefully more fit) by continuing with my aqua aerobics.  (I freely admit I would have an easier time losing weight if I stopped buying chocolate chip cookies on the way home.  Sue me.  Better yet, liposuction me until you have enough fat to float a Volkswagen and then give me more cookies!)

The picture you see above you is an example of some of the kid-shifting we’re doing in anticipation of Chicken soon to have her own exciting college life.  This is Zoomboy, and he wanted to start dance.  He towers above all of the little girls in his dance class, and in this pic, he has the appearance of being butt-fucking-lost.  This is okay.  He’s going to be fine– I watched him following what the teacher did, and I realized that this had everything a growing boy needs: specific instructions, immediate physical activity and reinforcement, loud noises when they’re doing tap, and a chance to wave your hands over your head like a chimpanzee and turn around in circles.  ALL boys should take dance.  It should be a REQUIREMENT.

And speaking of Zoomboy and the fact that he’s a boy, he greatly amused his dentist yesterday.  He got a 360 degree picture taken of his teeth yesterday so we could give it to his orthodontist, and the dentist was showing me this pic of what appeared to be REALLY ODD looking teeth in a VERY SMALL mouth, but that apparently was just perfectly normal for an 8 YO boy.  (For those of you who haven’t been around this animal a lot, their wrist bones are too long, their teeth are too big, and they hurtle across the floor with a the slap slap slap slap of one of those duck toys with wheels and leather flaps for feet. See?  Except they’re LOUDER.  NOTHING is proportional.  Not teeth, eyes, hands, feet, or voices.)  Anyway, I said, “Did you show this picture to Zoomboy?”  “No, did you want us too?”  Can you hear the cathedral chanting of showing an 8 year old boy what he would look like without his skin?  Happiest skeleton boy on earth.

Anyway– so, seriously.  Not much.  My big excitement is that it was  Samday (so, uhm, playmate with Sam’s mom), and that Reese Dante, lovely graphic artist extraordinaire, sent me a bunch of stock photos and said, “Guess what!  It’s time to pick out your photo for Dex!”

*happy sigh*  Photo-shopping for hotties.  Time well spent.  I can’t WAIT to see what she comes up with!

Oh yes– one more thing.  Chicken’s tumblr is live– and it’s really frickin’ funny!  She claims she’s going to keep sketching for The Author’s Daughter until she goes away to school.  I don’t know– she can do a lot of damage between now and then!  Enjoy:-)