One Movie to Rule Them All

So… now for the kibble!

*  On Friday I managed to make it to most of my errands, including the pharmacy.  At the pharmacy I bought laxatives, several boxes of tampax and pads, and a fuckton of chocolate.  The sales clerk looked at me and said, “So, do you have any fun plans for the weekend?”

“Yeah,” I said, knowing the irony would escape him, “I”m going to a soccer tournament!”

“That’s awesome!  Have a fun time!”

* Appropos of that last item.  

Saturday was Squish’s soccer tournament, wherein she and her team of fierce fighting furies whirled their way into four straight losses.  She was happy– especially when I highlighted the team face paint with my makeup bag, because halloween shit lasts a minute and a half, but lipstick and eye-liner– that shits forever, y’all.  

 So anyway– regarding the tampax, the laxatives, and the chocolate?  I had to hike to the porta-john several times to deal with all of the fun things hinted above, in a situation with no running water.

You know those fat women with resting bitch face that look like they’ve spent the entirety of their lives eating their rage? No?  Well, as of Saturday, you knew ME.  Yes folks, if I had unbottled my rage after my third trip to try to contain my uterus as it turned inside out in a place with no running water, there would have been no survivors.  I was the lie of the jolly fat woman on Saturday– and poor Mate, who was valiantly leading his own team into last place on a whole other field, knew it.  He was so nice to me.  

Today, I had no rage.  My uterus is still doing a few backflips, but my resting bitch face has eased up, I took a nap, spent some family time watching LotR, and got some more errands done.  I may NEVER get to the bottom of the giant laundry monster eating my bedroom, but for now, the world is safe.  But beware.  If you see a woman grimly hiking her way from a porta-john with a sweater tied around her waist in 90 degree heat?  

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!

*  So, today was Zoomboy’s last game.  (No, don’t ask if they won.  Why does everybody ask that?  If they win, I’ll be all celebratory and pictures of dancing zebras and shit. If I don’t say anything, assume we lost, because, well, they are my children with my genes, and I can’t even live in a city with a winning sports team, much less give birth to athletes.  Although Squish comes close– she works her ass off as goalie.  Anyway…)

Zoomboy’s friend, Gabe, has two adorable twin baby brothers, and an irrepressible and wonderful mother, who are my favorite reasons to go to Zoomboy’s games.  (That and watching Mate coach. Today he yelled, “SCORE A GOAL NOW!” several times.  I burst out laughing and asked if that EVER worked.  His co-coaches laughed their asses off too, because apparently, no.  That doesn’t work EVER.)  Anyway, Thelma was there with the babies, and, OMG– THEY WERE BALD!

“You shaved their heads!”

Thelma was irritated.  “It’s a Kenyan thing,” she said in disgust.  “Their father made them–they do it right before their first birthday.”

We all mourned the fuzzy black curls– they were so soft. But I had to admit– having no hair made their enormous brown eyes look even bigger.  I swear these kids are anime babies– real human babies cannot possibly be that cute.  But their mother is sort of a dynamo, and I adore her, so perhaps that’s just her karma.  

BTW? I sang a Shins song to them  (“Present Past” I think is the name) and they adored it.  I love babies who listen to me sing.

btw– this video is WEIRDLY reminiscent of The Deep of the Sound which is the project I’m currently working on.  I mean… it’s weird, because I JUST SAW IT and the book is more than halfway done. 

* The funniest part was when Mate, in the middle of the second half, turned a circle three times and finally spotted Zoomboy– who was playing with the babies instead of waiting to go back on the field.  “Zoomboy, do you want to play?” he asked in exasperation.  

At the end of the game, he was like, “He played an awesome first half, but he always gets lost at the break.  I mean… he goes to play with the twins and I forget I need to play him.  He’s my son!”  

That’s okay.  I think it means Mate’s a really good coach–and seriously.  We told ZB he had another soccer game today, and his response was, “Will the twins be there?”

I, uhm, don’t think soccer is really the focus of his weekends.  But that’s okay.  He adores playing with babies. That’s my Zoomboy.

*  And speaking of Zoomboy…

Since he loves movies with catalogue mythology and he loves sci-fi fantasy, we’ve been telling him he needs to watch The Lord of the Rings for over a year.

Today, after three soccer games– and the last one, folks, was played in a blazing, dusty wind, that just seemed to suck the sacred will to live from our bones– he apparently decided to go for it.

We just finished shotgunning all three movies.  My boy?  My beautiful, sensitive boy?

Cried like a baby at the end.

His sister didn’t get it– and wouldn’t stop talking– but my boy, the one who plays with little kids and takes special care not to kill his fish?

My boy got it.

So, he got the ADHD, and he got that.  Sometimes Goddess is evenhanded in her gifts, yanno?

* And speaking of gifts?

This lovely meme was made for me by the even lovelier Jaime Samms, who, you may recall, was recently featured in *kermit flail* Monday.  

Anyway– the quote is from this month’s Amy’s Lane, and I’m not ashamed to admit it: seeing my words on a picture this pretty fills me with an enormous sense of pride.  THANKS JAIME!!!  

And that’s all for now.  My hormones have ebbed, the family is all sleeping, the Shins are singing dreamily on my computer, and for the moment, the world is safe.

Talk to y’all from Chicago!