Patience Ain’t My Virtue

You may remember this stage of my writing neurosis from last year–it’s called the FOR CRIMINIES SAKE SOMEONE REVIEW MY FREAKIN’ BOOK!


Uhm, yeah– I’m not good at this part. (I’m not good at any of the parts– what the hell is wrong with me? Why would I want to do this for a hobby–not even a JOB but a HOBBY!!! Someone sign me up for a shrink, right now. And a month at the nuthouse, just me, my laptop, and my crocheting–because they don’t allow pointy sticks donchaknow. And then, when I’ve finished RAMPANT, you can let me out for another 8 months, because the short people haven’t let me write in a frickin’ week!) Anyway, I’m jonesing for some reaction for Bitter Moon II– I don’t even know if the damned book is actually shipping yet because I haven’t gotten MY copy, but, well, I’m antsy. You all know this– you’ve all talked me down from it before, but there are some nervous butterflies you can’t kill with soda-pop and ice cream, and these are them. I’m just going to have to live with them until a few people read the book as she is published–because so far, only one other person (Needletart) has seen anything close to the real final version. My fingernails are bloody and worried, and that’s just the way it’s gonna have to be.

Anyway, I still haven’t found the damned computer cords, which is too bad, because I’ve got some serious startitis, and that’s always entertaining to photograph– besides that, the short people have grown in the last few months, and I do love to show them off. (It’s weird and sad– when my computer isn’t uploading, I take fewer pictures. I’m thinking I need to take pictures for their own sake and just hope for the best, don’t you? Yeah. I’m a bad mom–we’ve discussed this before…)

Anyway, to startitis. In the last week I’ve started: A hat in this cool ‘art inspired’ sock yarn by Opal for the Cave Troll, a dress in Rowan worsted cotton/acrylic for Ladybug, a new pair of socks in moochi/moshi (Crystal Palace yarns–if you get a chance to fondle, I mean grope, I mean test this yarn’s hand, do so, but expect the Homer Simpson drooling reaction–come prepared with kleenex), baby socks in the peacock colored Louet for a friend, and a pair of worsted weight socks for my friend at school. I’m doing the worsted weight socks toe-up (hee hee–I can’t get over my adolescent reaction to the sound of that…”Man, them socks is TOE-UP!” heh-heh, heh-heh, heh-heh) because Mr. Sparrow’s feet are, well, size 14 or thereabouts, and I’m pretty sure there’s just enough yarn for a short cuff and a bind-off at the ankle. I’m using Big Sock Mexico–one of the earlier self-striping paints, and although it’s not particularly MY colorway, it’s about as masculine as I get. (Had to knit from stash–wasn’t THAT a hardship…) At any rate, if he hates the color, he’ll be more inclined to wear them in the house, which is what they’re for.

Oh yeah– and one final started project. This one’s fun, because this is where knitting and writing meet. The pattern is mine, and it’s called “Lady Cory’s Punk Goth Brocade” and I’m going to finish a pair (in this DECADENT AND SINFUL malabrigo/nylon sockyarn– again, call the Homer Simpson Drool police because you’ll need that jumbo kleenex–it is TO DYE FOR…*snork*) and write up the pattern for a little slice of hell, uhm, I mean challenge that Julie and I have cooked up and then use it for the challenge. Anyway, I’m trying to decide what to do with the final pair of socks… the color is this tarnished azure/turquoise that just totally flips my switch as one of Cory’s signature colors (along with sunrise peach:-) and there’s a couple of beads in the cuffs (could be better placed–I’m going to fix that in the next pattern incarnation) and if they turn out the way I think they might, they could be pretty awesome. (They could also suck large. This is me. The knitting, the writing, the parenting–it’s all a crapshoot–you people know this. You tune in to watch the train wreck, it’s part of the fun!)

Anyway, I was playing with the idea of making them a reward for the first person to review the book, but wouldn’t that be unethical? I mean, bribing people with handknits…usually it’s pretty harmless, but, well, this is pretty dire! I can see the fraud trials now:

“People shelled out a hell of a lot of good money for this furniture sized piece-o-crap book–and you say you gave it five stars because…”

“I couldn’t help it your honor… malabrigo sock yarn–do you have any idea what kind of weakness that inspires? And BEADS! It was insane! For malabrigo sock yarn and beads, I would have given a monkey and a typewriter five stars!”

I mean, it would undermine my credibility, wouldn’t it?

0 thoughts on “Patience Ain’t My Virtue”

  1. roxie says:

    Man, you have really put me in a clet=ft stick, lady. I would loooooove those socks, I’m trying so hard to save money, I know I will get a copy of the book free, and I wonder if maybe I ought to buy the book and review it anyhow. Five stars? Hell, I’ll give it the constellation of Orion with both his dogs in exchange for those socks. (Which the book no doubt deserves even without the bribe. I’m salivating for a chance to read the improved version!) But where will I find the spare change to buy the book? ‘Scuse me while I go burrow through the furniture and the seats of both cars. . . .

  2. Galad says:

    I have to find the money too and it may not be this month so I’m out of the running for the socks. They sound wonderful (not that I need to be bribed to read your book!)

    I have to earn some money from my business before I can spend any more – how much does that suck!

    Maybe if I sell something online. . . I’ll work on it.

  3. NeedleTart says:

    Ah-hem. Being the last person (other than the author) to read it makes me uniquely placed to review, donchathink?
    Then again, I wear size 12 shoes and that could be unusual punishment for the author, you’ll just have to wait until the first non-connected reader stops laughing and crying (cause you know they will, at least *I* know they will….)
    PS Posted a few

  4. ismarah says:

    Eeek! My lack of criticicking (yeah, I can’t spell that) on amazon has led to a nervous breakdown. Pity there’s nothing I can do about it as I was going to order said book in June, when I can A) afford it B) have the time to read it and C) can have it delivered inside the continental US. I still feel guilty though.

    In any case it won’t suck and you,m’dear, as a hobby/professional writer wannabe, need to grow a harder shell / a pair. In a nice way of course!

  5. Louiz says:

    I too need to wait for my next pay cheque to clear before I can make any purchases that aren’t food… but once I have I’m aiming for those socks:) You do realise that you’re on The List, don’t you? That would be the list of “A new book by X? Yes, of course I’m buying it, no matter what”. There are only about 4 authors on there… and they are all awesome.

  6. Donna Lee says:

    Aren’t hobbies supposed to make you relax? Hmmm, thought so. I just got some of that moochi yarn and it is waiting to be turned into some colorful socks. It is drool worthy. Good thing it’s absorbent.

  7. Unknown says:

    Loved the book. It put me through the ringer reading it, but it is well worth it. I would love to review it on Amazon, but it’s not showing up yet. I will when it shows up. It’s definitely a 5 star book!

  8. How did that review go? Need to show; not tell… Oh wait, that’s wrong isn’t it? 🙂

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