Once again, Mate got home exhausted, just when I was ready to stay up and work.
I sent him to bed, and sat down to my news feed and found something that made me laugh.
And I needed to share it with my Mate.
“Mate! Mate! Are you still awake?”
“Mmfffine, here, whazzzouwant?”
“No, I gotta tell you about this thing I just read, about people having sex in Disneyland, right? And they got stuck on the Pirate of the Caribbean ride, right?”
“Din you tell me bout this yessserday?”
“No! I swear! I just read this right now! Anyway, guy had his girlfriend go down on him when the Pirate ride got stuck, and the actor and the tech guy were just watching from the tech booth and they couldn’t really do anything, and then they saw the girl about to spit over the side and–“
“Spitting is for quitters. Tha’ss the punchline. It’s a fake story.”
“Oh. Okay. Well, sorry. Just made me laugh. Wanted to share it with you.”
I pat him. “Don’t worry, Mate. Sorry. Won’t bother you again. And I swear, I’ll NEVER try to give you a blowjob on the Pirates of the Caribbean–“
Mate sits bolt upright in bed. “What? What’d I do! I”m awake! Do I need to get up? Fine! Fine! Whatever you need me to do–“
“Go back to sleep! It wasn’t a threat–I swear! You’d be horrified if we did that in public.”
“Oh. Yeah. I would.” He falls back against the pillows. “Are you coming to bed yet?”
“No. I gotta work.”
“Fine. Go work.”
“Sorry to disturb you.”
“Yeah, whatever. I gotta get some sleep.”
Honestly, I’m lucky he’s still with me at all.