Recycled Weirdness

Okay– first of all, this post is, more or less, the 1000th post if you add the old blog and the new blog together. (Which is how I calculate it, mostly, anyway.) I figure some of the posts are long enough to make up for any posts that have been written and not posted or pulled, and, well, I like 1000–it’s a BIG ROUND NUMBER, so next post, when I’m pimping The Locker Room, which is out on Friday, I’ll have a contest for a signed copy of it and some sock yarn– winners choice!

So for today, I don’t have much–I slept in for the first time in godsknowhowlong– and I wasn’t expecting it either. But it was raining during water aerobics time, and the kids were all home for break and my body was like, “Hey–you’ve been working AND watching children at the same time and it’s exhausting. Why don’t you take it easy for a while?” And, well,, so I spent a whole lot of couch time with Squish and Zoomboy, snoozing during The Suite Life of Zach & Cody and Looney Toones. Not exactly inspiring but there it was. Sort of a reminder that when your avocation becomes your vocation, you have to have downtime, no matter how much you love it, right?

But anyway, I’ve been having fun on Facebook and Twitter lately–not oodles, just posting the odd thought. I didn’t know it but the shit I post on Twitter collects on my LiveJournal account–weird but true. For some reason this makes me feel better about the internet, like less of what I say is disposable, anyway, and that would be groovy, except now I’m wondering at the hubris that breeds in cyberspace that makes us think that all of our words are gold. I can’t decide which side I’m on there, but I thought I’d post some of the better weirdness here–sort of in digest form, along with stuff that can’t be shoved into 140-350 characters per story!

* Today, I was trying to have the short people *gasp* CLEAN THEIR OWN ROOM! Things went swimmingly until they found a big box and brought it out in the hall. They were playing Jack-in-the-Box with each other (complete with singing the tune and the hand-cranking motions) when they started to call for their sister and I to play with them.

“I’m not in the box but come here and open the box and see what’s inside!”

After hearing that, Chicken and I were actually laughing too hard to sing the song and open the box!

* Yesterday Mate had free tickets to an automotive swap meet, and we went because, uhm, the tickets were free. We bought the short people slushees that cost as much as the free tickets, and saw a lot of people who looked like my dad. When Chicken asked us what it was like, I said:

“It was like grandpa’s shed exploded and landed on dropcloths in neat little rows, ready to be sold, and every other grizzled motor-head over sixty came out to play too!”

* This bit was via Twitter as the kids were filling plastic eggs with candy. It’s something the Easter Bunny usually does at our house, and after this moment, I think we will continue to let the Easter Bunny do it all by himself:

Yes, zoomboy. I’m sure the world will collapse and implode if your sister doesn’t get the right number of candies into the plastic egg.

Is the world still here? Well, then, Zoomboy MUST have been OVERFUCKINGREACTING.

* This was a Facebook realization I had about something I am, unfortunately, very close to:

I feel fat, but I’ve started to embrace the fat. I exercise the fat, I tan the fat, I slather it in shit that smells really good and turns it into orgasmic fat, and I dress like I can still be attractive with the fat. I’m hoping that the fat will act like a cat or a man with all of this gratuitous attention and dump my ass.

* And here’s an observation about who runs the frickin’ house!

So, the cat’s licking her crotch on the DOG’S nice soft cushion, and the dog’s outside scratching the door to come in because, OMFG, it’s wet OUTSIDE! Seriously– what a fucking world!

* Here’s another moment int he life of Zoomboy, Acronym Wonder, champion of OCD, ADHD/ADD and TCFW! (Too Cute For Words:-)

Zoomboy is so damned cute–this was his take on how to play a game on the back of a cereal box: ” The instructions say we can use a button as a game piece. Or a coin. Like a quarter. Or a dime. Or a half-dollar. Or a penny. Or a dime. Or a nickel. Or a quarter. Or any coin. Those can ALL be used as a game piece. Tomorrow.”

* And here, a family effort to relieve Squish of her biggest phobia:

Oldest boychild, could you possibly kill the poor skeeter hawk that is making your little sister wet her pants? Sure. It is now an ex-bug.

* Here is a realization I had while writing a VERY tricky love/epiphany scene in A Solid Core of Alpha:

When they were storyboarding The Incredibles, they apparently had long involved arguments about “Didn’t we put the @#$$% gravy boat on the other side of the table?” Blocking a sex/emotion scene is a lot the same. Except, uhm, that’s not a gravy boat.

* And this is something I thought was hysterical, but I’m probably the only person on the planet who got it:

Dear Oldest Boychild: While I understand your desire to subscribe to agnosticism, I would ask that you stop dumping your hole-y socks in our laundry and keeping the unhole-y ones for yourself!

And that’s about it for now! I will be blogging at Cup-o-Porn about virginity on Wednesday, and I’ll put up a link to that site as soon as my post comes out! I can’t promise it will be clever, insightful, or amusing, but I CAN promise that I now know how to make text boxes in word while trying to make this post look like a high school textbook. Somewhere out there, the technology and vocational karma gods are laughing their asses off–but I’m pretty sure they still have a little ass left!