Sarcasm Family

Took a trip out to the Millertown house to see my MIL today. It was a lovely day, we brought dogs and sandwiches, and I think she enjoyed herself. Her health hasn’t been great–I worry, and so does Mate. His mom is one of those funny, dry people who’s heart is so big her tiny body can barely hold it. I want her around for a while more.


My family was in fine form talking to her–the kids have gotten good at telling funny stories.  And today, it occurred to me that, gee. I’ve managed to raise a sarcastic brood of turkeys, and I love every mutant feather of them–but they’re not everybody’s favorite fowl.

When Chicken was ten, my aunt was talking about how her boys hadn’t yet gotten sarcastic.  I said, “Yeah, Chicken is fluent in sarcasm. I have no idea how that happened.”

“I got it from you–thanks a lot, Mom!”

Of course, she didn’t just get it from me–and this following exchange between Squish and Dad proves it:

Squish: I don’t know why we just can’t play  Simon says!

Mate: Fine. We’ll play. Get up.

Squish: Okay. *gets up*

Mate: You’re out.  Simon didn’t say.

So, it’s true–the kids are learning from masters.  As our discussion about Mother’s Day and a very trendy cooking appliance sort of demonstrates:

Mate: Do you want anything for Mother’s Day?

Me: No, I’d like it to pass like any other day, without flowers, chocolates, or promises you don’t intend to keep.

Mate: Seriously.

Me: Seriously, yes, I ‘d like some acknowledgment for the four kids pushed out of my weehoo. But flowers and lunch would be fine.

Mate: So you don’t want a Sous-Vide?  (pronounced “soo-vee”–  I did not know how to spell it until I just looked it up.)

Me: No.

Zoomboy: What’s a Sous-Vide?

Mate: It’s a pot of water with a timer, so you can set the timer and put in a vacuum packed package of food and the water will heat up the food and keep it that temperature as long as you want!

Me: It’s an excuse for grown people to have a science experiment on their stove and to use it to cook steak.

Mate: That’s fair. So you don’t want a Sous-Vide for $200 to prove our love?

Me: No. I can’t plan a regular meal. You expect me to vacuum pack food and then pull it out and put it on the pot to boil? Who did you marry?

Zoomboy: So you don’t want a deluxe Sous-Vide for $500 to prove we’d love you more if you could cook?

Me: No.

Squish: Do you want a broken one for $2.00 with a black plate and stuff falling off of it to prove that we couldn’t think of anything else and went shopping for you at the last minute?

Me: No. But by all means keep up the sarcasm. That’s the best Mother’s Day Present in the world!

Zoomboy: Besides the butt-cookies Geoffie brings you, right?

Me: Yeah. Besides those.  Flowers, people. It’s a thing.

*  *  *

Of course, I can’t guarantee the flowers, but on the visit to Millertown Mate’s mom told us that the deer had been crapping in her yard. Geoffie determinedly brought me several excellent examples of this new kind of butt-cookie that she then ate for dessert.

Seriously. Flowers. They’re a thing.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *