Scuse me, gotta pee…

So, developed a UTI this weekend–which, since the AZO seems to be working seems to stand for “irritation” rather than “infection”–thank Goddess.

But besides wanting nothing more than to read on the toilet and be left alone, I managed to be a lot of places!

* Friday, Chicken and I went to see Logan Lucky. Now, I have to admit– The Italian Job, Ocean’s 11, Leverage– we are FANS of heist movies and conmen as a whole. Put this trope in the hands of a bunch of high energy young people–playing slow and careful southerners– was just about as awesome as you think it was. Also, hearing Channing Tatum speak with what we think was his natural accent was actually a knee-melting experience. (For her, it was watching Adam Driver. For me, it was seeing Mr. Tatum being a good parent. *sniffle* Every time.)  Anyway–it was fun. Go see it.

* Saturday, we went to Opening Day for soccer. Now this year, it was a little different–it’s the first time in 9 years we only had one kid playing.  Squish’s team was coached by Mate this year, and I as sort of nostalgic as I saw them walk across the field. Not nostalgic enough to feel bad when we got to leave at 1:00 pm instead of 4:00 pm, but a little nostalgic. I mean, once upon a time, we had three kids in this league.

*  ZoomBoy was a little sad–all his old player friends were still playing.  He’s the first to acknowledge–they’re all taller than he is and more mature, and although none of us said it, he would have gotten the crap beaten out of him this year. But still. He was sad. So in an attempt to get him to cheer up, I said, “Hey, kid! Go get a selfie with that cow!”  Of course, I didn’t realize it was the Chik Fil-a cow until ZoomBoy got back with the picture (I saw the head of the cow, not the T-shirt when I sent him off on his quest) –so I apologize for not boycotting the cow in the middle of the soccer field, but he made ZoomBoy laugh, and we didn’t buy any chicken, so I think we’re karmically safe.

* We left Mate to continue Opening Day and came back to eat lunch and, in my case, to nap fiercely for an hour, because we had another thing to do. My lovely friend Ambrosia is having a baby, and I crocheted all through Squish’s games to have her blanket ready on time. Now the blanket is not enough–just isn’t–so I stopped at Target to get some more stuff.  Now one of my problems with buying ANYTHING these days is that unless you’re at the grocery store where everyone knows your name, there are a thousand bits of paperwork at the end. “Do you have a rewards card? Do you want one? Do you remember your number? That’s not your number, can we enroll you? Do you want to use it now? If you buy two of these items you can get a ten dollar gift certificate and a free baby!”  I mean, not to sound like the “Get off my lawn!” guy, but in the old days, they didn’t gouge you in prices, and you just gave them your card and checked out. Was easy. But no– we were all dressed, I had makeup on (!) and I had to pee. (Cause see the opening item on my agenda.)  And the clerk was like, “If you go back and get another one of these you can get both items and a ten dollar card back and–“

“That’s sweet. The baby shower is in ten minutes and we just spent fifteen minutes in a three person line.”

“Okay then.”

She got us out pretty quickly after that–and Squish did one of the best backseat wrapping jobs I’ve ever seen, and huzzah! We made it.

But whew!

* Once there of course, we enjoyed ourselves immensely. I tired–and actively engaged in a wonderful conversation with the father of the baby’s aunt–so I didn’t get any pictures of Ambrosia which is too bad. She was beautiful.  But I DID have ZB get a picture of their hilarious and delicious cake, and that’s a plus.


So, one of the shower games was “How It’s Made”–or, as you’ve seen it on YouTube, the “balloon humping game.”  Of course the fun is in the title, and telling Squish and ZoomBoy to “go inside with your mother” didn’t keep them from getting the joke. So this morning, the following conversation happened.

“Uh, what are you doing with that water balloon, son?”

“I”m putting it in the back of my shorts and then seeing what happens when it pops.”

“I’m going to assume you’ll get wet.”


God love thirteen YO boys!

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