Shit I Will Never Understand

(Forgive the promotional picture for Christmas With Danny Fit– it comes out on Wednesday, and I’ll chat it up then, because it features a chubby virgin, and I really adore it, and I haven’t talked a lot about it, so I thought I’d just get everyone thinking about it first:-)

Anyway…

Back to shit I will never understand…

* How Squish can sleep through the apocalypse, but she can’t seem to GO to sleep without flights of angels singer her cherubic little eyes closed.

*. Why Steve can’t understand that she is not, was never meant to be, and never shall be an outside cat.

* How the washer works.

* Why it sometimes chooses not to.

* How a reasonably (for us) clean house can self-destruct in the time it takes me to bend down and pick up a scrunchy from the floor.

* How Chicken could have left a book called “Island of the Sequined Love Nun” on the floor of a movie theatre, and nobody there claims to have seen it. (We’re on a Christopher Moore kick– I’m a little disappointed to lose the book, to say the least.)

* Human viciousness. (In the news, in person, in specific and in general, it boggles me. Just does.)

* Human kindness. (When it’s aimed at me, and it comes unsolicited, I am always grateful.)

* How people can call a perfectly good ending in which two lovers live together until the end of their days, “bittersweet.” (But it pleases me that they do–even if the end of Hammer & Air DID make people cry.

* How soccer season is STILL going on.

* How grammar schools can just cut their days in half for an ENTIRE WEEK and not expect parents to be just SCRAMBLING for day care. (Of course, it’s on the week when the EDJ resumes again, so Mate’s up for child care. He’s not pleased.)

* How I could have nearly two hundred unopened messages on my e-mail. What in the hell am I saving them for? Later? TWO YEARS later? (This does explain why my uncle put a sign up for my grandma over the paper shredder, though. The sign reads: For stuff that you think you’ll look at later.)

* Why I keep putting off looking at those messages.

* Why the dog’s digestive system started setting it’s phasers on ‘kill’.

* Why none of my kids can EVER top talking. (Okay… I may have a teeny-tiny little bit of a clue with this one…)

* Why I felt compelled to watch Dead Poet’s Society this last week. Twice.

* Why my son loves it as much as I do. (He watched it three times.)

* Why the sweet older man who sent me the most adoring fan letter was forced to wait until his fifties to acknowledge that he was in love with another man. (They spent 28 years together, and his husband passed away in 2008 at the age of 95. One of the most romantic things I’ve ever read–all truth.)

* How I could cry at the end of Tangled. Am I really that much of a sap? (Don’t answer that. And yes–the movie was awewewewesome!)

* Where my rainbow lanyard wandered off to, dammit! I LOVE that thing!

* Why even my knit socks disappear in the drier. (Goddammit, they’re the ONLY SOCKS IN THE HOUSE THAT AREN’T WHITE!)

* Why one ply malabrigo hasn’t been declared fattening, addictive, or illegal. (Everything else that feels that good has been.)

* Why I love my rattiest sweatshirts with the white-hot passion of a thousand suns.

* Why knitting a sock makes me feel like an uber-genius.

* How sitting on the couch with Squish in my lap can be one of the greatest accomplishments of my day.

* How writing 73K for nanowrimo can be considered winning it when I didn’t actually finish the frickin’ manuscript! (But I will–it’s really close.)

* How to download the frickin’ badge so I can brag about it anyway!