Shopping! (Not on a budget!)

I took the kids to the pool today, which means that I go to my water aerobics class, then get the short people (and Chicken to help) and play for another hour. I came home and slept. I was supposed to take Chicken shopping for a dress for her friend’s Quincinara (sic) and I went to get myself something to wear. Now, this was the second time i went looking for an outfit expressly for a specific occasion, and for a moment I was a little disgusted. Wasn’t it possible I had something to wear that would cover a trip to church (where, Goddess be with me, the saints won’t weep as Chicken and I walk our pagan asses through the door) and a reception with dinner and dancing.

As it turns out, nothing that I’ve purchased in the last six years would actually fit that bill. I had plenty of dark stuff, going out on a night out stuff and that was nice. I had lots of jeans and work-shirt sort of stuff. I even had that nice outfit I bought to go to the class reunion. But none of it was good for a religious celebration for a fifteen year old girl.

Who knew I’d actually get the nuances of fashion, finally, at age 43 (two sir!) 42?

So, there I was, alone in the changing cubicle with my fat and sorry ass from three different angles, and I threw on my first dress choice, and came to two conclusions:

A. I’d burnt the shit out of myself–I looked like a big, fat, juicy lobster tail, complete with sweat.

B. No part of my self awareness of either my size or my bodily composition had prepared me for the gi-fucking-normousness of my biker-bitch body in a turquoise flowered dress. That thing had to fucking go, or people would be fainting and calling for God as I walked down the aisles to sit in the pew.

I put the dress back and got a salmon colored fancy T-shirt (the better to match the color of my face, thank you!) and a black cotton skirt. And now I’ve officially spent my limit in clothes–the next thing I can purchase is the plotbunny T-shirt for yaoicon–and only if I skip a trip to the yarn store between now and October. Oh yeah- and maybe a bra that doesn’t have clasps that extend backward.

But that didn’t mean I didn’t spring for some luxuries, like, say, a trash basket for the FUNCTIONING BATHROOM! Okay– functioning is sort of an overstatement. I bought the trash can because we can’t afford the vanity–we might have, but we shot too much money on killing the cat and buying clothes for a birthday party the size of a medium sized wedding. But, as soon as we can afford the vanity, that puppy’s going in–and right now, we’re a two toilet, two shower household, and, cannyagimmehallelujia-amen, that shower has a bathtub. Yeeha! And let’s hear it for avocado green! (Which, I swear, did not look avocado green when I chose the color three years ago. And, will probably not look like avocado green when we add the dark lavender trim. I hope.) Anyway, let’s hear it for Mate and home improvement… he missed the four year mark by three months!

And besides forgetting my wallet at home for our first stop (Bath & Body Works, for Lily’s gift–because Chicken and I have NO imagination and I started knitting the ribbon-drawstring bag too late to finish it tonight) and feeling like a total dork–that’s all I got. Oh yeah– I went a little nuts with the tester while I was in there–but I got to tell you… that White Cotton body spray really does flip my switch… mmmmmmmmm….

I’m gonna go pass out and smell myself–it’s a big day tomorrow! Us pagan girls is goin’ to church!

0 thoughts on “Shopping! (Not on a budget!)”

  1. Donna Lee says:

    We'll be watching the news for localized lightning strikes as you and Chicken walk through the church doors.

    I've read about those birthday parties and am amazed at the lavishness of it all.

    I love shoping for clothes. I don't always have a good idea of what will fit me but I love looking at the possibilities!

  2. roxie says:

    Yeah, clothes shopping is such a downer. My self image got set when I was 18, and my fashion sense jelled in1974. Those 3-way mirrors are brutally honest.

    Have a great time at the party!

    Hooray for a second functioning bathroom! Happy dances and the slaughter of a pint of strawberries in Mate's honor!!

  3. Chris says:

    Other than undergarments, I buy most of my clothes at the thrift store. It's a really good thrift store… Or at the Eddie Bauer outlet. Apparently I'm scarred for life from being a student/grad student.

  4. Louiz says:

    Woohoo for working bathrooms!

    I had to go to church last weekend, for a friend's baby's baptism. I swear there was thunder as Himself and I walked in the door.

    I hate clothes shopping, especially in the height of summer (or the depths of winter for that matter).

  5. Laurel says:

    Oh dear god! Clothes shopping is probably one of my LEAST favorite things to do, so I don't envy you at all!!!

  6. Oh come on, fashion sense is for the young. But the coral shirt does sound very pretty.

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