Sometimes I ask myself…

*  Why can’t we be retrofitted or USB ports, so, you know, I can connect my brain to the computer, press “Upload!” and go, “I know WWII History!”  Or, you know, “I know Kung-Fu.”  Cause that’s good too.

* Do cats think about us as much as we think about them?  Or do they train us up and assume the never ending supply of food is just going to happen, as well as ass-scritches in the morning and tackle hugs at three a.m.?

*  Mate is going to run a half marathon tomorrow– why don’t they make aqueducts over the city so I can swim the same course?  I’d be great!

*  Is it possible to knit with your toes while you write with your fingers?  Has anyone done it?  Has it been documented?  Can we get a research committee and a training commission to make that happen?


*  Can I have a “tech belt” made?  On it, I can put my phone, my real kindle, and my mini computer on it, as well as my car keys, my glasses, and the mystery concoction I’m supposed to put in my water to make me miss soda less.

*  Why can’t I memorize simple maps?  Mate and I have been to Old Sacramento a thousand times, and yet, when trying to picture where I would go to see him run, I am completely baffled.  Completely.  And as badly as I want to see him run in front of the capitol, I even more badly want to see him make the finish line, and I don’t think that can happen if I”m butt-hurt-lost from something as simple as walking in down town!

*  I put beets, carrots, and anise root in a food processor, and am cooking it up with tomato puree and chicken.  Does this break a law of nature or some sort of culinary rule?  If so, can lightning strike my stove so I don’t ever have to clean it?

*  If I use plenty of milk, can I get a ruling on milkshakes counting for dinner?  (Because, you know, that previous item might happen.)

*  Is it wrong that I like the chocolate whey protein with my mango smoothies?  Just asking.

*  Does the dog know that it looks really obscene when he goes down my shirt?  Is this why he keeps trying to do it when we’re outside on the porch at Rubio’s?

*  How cool is it that my MIL doesn’t mind hearing about my job?

*  How scary is it to break paper on a historical novel when you’ve never written one before?

*  Did my grandfather really join the Greek resistance after his plane went down, or was he parachuted in with the rest of the OSS?  I don’t know, but the idea of even more legend has me salivating!

*  Did you know they painted the undersides of the reconnaissance Spitfire planes light blue if they were doing high altitude surveys and pale pink if they were doing low altitude in the cloud cover.  I’m enchanted by this detail.  I can not tell you why?

*  Given that Squish’s intellect is all about the intuition, and Zoomboy’s is all about the technical aspects of everything and the math, if we merged their brains, would we get a megalomaniacal world ruler who constantly fought with itself?  Just wondering.

 *  Why do cookies taste so damned good?

And… most importantly…

*  Exactly how early do I have to get up tomorrow to watch Mate cross the finish line?  It’s that last question that is going to drive me to leave this exercise a little bit before it’s time– I think 4 a.m. is the ass-crack of dawn, and I’d better shower before I jump on that ride!