Okay, so I have to summarize all four of the books in four pages a summary–and I’m stressing.

Seriously stressing.

I have become the worst version of myself, sleep deprivation, snarling at the family, spacing out at work, et. al., and even though I would probably need these synopses would be needed if I wanted to get published anywhere, I’m starting to remember all the will power it took to get me through school.

Goddess, I’m surprised I made it.

In other news? A couple of welcome revelations today.

The first relates to the Cave Troll becoming possessed with the soul of the devil and doing everything but spinning his head around, barfing green soup and crab-walking on the ceiling. Seriously, my sweet little boy of last week has completely disappeared, and has kept his father and I up until all hours of the night being a complete boyshit and I was banging my head on the wall, seriously thinking about tanking the writing thing altogether in order to spend some time with what was quickly morphing from a Cave Troll to a ginormous boil on a cave troll’s ass. (Last night, we were going to bed, when we discovered all of his bedding in the hallway, and he and his sister shivering on their bed. Why he did this, I have no idea.) And then, as my students were chatting (not about their work–what’s new?) one of them asked me, “Mz. Lane, c’mon, you can tell us–do you spank your children?”

I laughed. “Yeah, I was spanked, I spank my kids–I remember (and this memory came to me as I spoke) that when my oldest daughter was about three, we could tell if she’d had a really bad weekend because she would spank her doll when she was playing.”

And then it all came flooding back to me. Chicken was a HORRIBLE child. I loved her then. I worshipped her then. But she had potential to be a tremendous pain in the ass, and she is VERY good at realizing her potential.

And she survive. I survived. And she doesn’t appear to be scarred in any sense of the word from all the times mama screamed at her and gave her a smack on the bottom.

We might live through the Cave Troll years after all.

The other revelation came when I was speaking to one of my favorite administrators.

We’re planning a fairly involved assembly tomorrow–something that’s gonna have us marching our students in (get this!) single file from our rooms to the gym, and then sitting where we’re assigned. Thinking about my 6th period, I called Perry over and started listing eight names from my 6th period that I knew he would recognize.

“Oh…” he said, “The club!”

“Yeah,” I replied, “And they meet every day in my 6th period. Maybe a little back-up tomorrow?”


And brother, did I feel validated to know that these kids were really the complete nightmares I had always thought they were.

Then he said, “Hey–do you recognize this? ‘Margaret are you grieving?'”

“For goldengrove unleaving.” I supplied. “Gerard Manley Hopkins.”

SCORE for the English geek.

And now, back to the synopsis salt mines.

0 thoughts on “Stressing…”

  1. Unknown says:

    I think the synopsis of Vulnerable that your friend gave was pretty good: “an erotic Harry Potter.” The summaries on the website do the books justice, but you’re probably looking for something shorter. For Bitter Moon I you could say something along the lines of *A high fantasy where the hero starts down a path that forces him to choose between love and vengeance.*

  2. Galad says:

    I know you will get through the synopsis wall just like you have so many others. I’m sending all sorts of good vibes your way in hopes that someone finally will recognize how much you deserve to be published.

    I remember when my beautiful and loving daughter turned into the raging demon child who pissed (because she was) on my carpet multiple times each day because I couldn’t stop her. That battle of wills went on for months and then suddenly one day was gone. This is the same kid who put books in the seat of her pants so I couldn’t spank her. We both survived and she is now a wonderful young woman.

    I do seem to remember escaping to the grocery store for medicinal chocolate and wine while in the middle of such behaviors though 🙂

  3. Catie says:

    good luck with the synopses that you are writing and good luck with the cave troll too.

  4. Haylo says:

    My niece (2 1/2 yrs) is also currently going through the batshit insane phase. It started in January and it’s done nothing but escalate. If you speak to her, she starts screaming, if you touch her, she starts screaming. Hell i’ve started to wonder if someone stole in during the night and replaced her with a changeling.

    The other day she told my nephew (her brother) that he needed to stop looking at her. He’s 7 months.

  5. roxie says:

    I am so with you on synopses. It took 60 thousand plus words to tell the story, and I’m supposed to squeeze it into a paragraph?

    Hooray for an administrator who understands! Best of luck with your assembly and I hope your back-up has a canine unit.

    Cave Troll’s understanding of his world is changing, and he is having trouble adjusting to it. thank GOD he will grow through this!! Of course, the Ladybug has a similar stage to go through . . . It’s a wonder to me that more parents don’t devour their young!

  6. TinkingBell says:

    Last night I nearly committed a double infanticide – mine are 5 and 3 and swing wildly between being gorgeous wonderful amazing clever children and such complete and utter monsters that I should have eaten them at birth. I’d never get through this if it wasn’t for wine!

    Anyone got a puppy they’d like to swap for one or both?
    Amy you will write fabulous synopsii (is that right? And I hope to get a great whack of Vulnerable finished this weekened!

  7. Em says:

    Brevity has never been one of my virtues (which says a lot about my wit when writing), so I am always impressed when a writer can manage to put an entire book into a short, coherent summary. I imagine it must be like having a child, and then being forced to cut of its arms, legs, and head, so that it’s more compact, but most of the important bits are there.

    I don’t remember this incident, but my aunt loves to tell this story to friends and potential mates. Apparently, when i was but a wee one (and man, i was adorable. trust me.) Momolla felt the need to take something away to punish me (i was also a pain in the ass, i’m sure i deserved it). Well. I stood right there on the steps and looked at my wonderful, kind mother (thanks for not eating me, nice lady!), and said, “what’s next, my crayons?” The Cave Troll will stop being difficult, eventually. And you will keep loving him. Because if you didn’t, you’d have eaten him at birth, apparently. I’m seeing a frightening trend with all these comments about mothers eating their young…

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