Yes, yes, I know I passed the big 50 last year, but it hadn’t really set in, you know? I mean, I’m still young, right? Chicken says I seem younger than I am–I always thought that was the benefit of natural immaturity.
But it seems age has snuck up on me with all the grace of a clumsy ninja on cold medication. Yeah, I may be young at HEART but you can’t stop Father Time.
Ten signs I’m getting older.
10. I’m wearing slippers. I used to be “Barefoot Girl” from Bruce Springsteen’s “Jungleland” and now my toes ache in the rain.
9. Me and my daughters got the same hair cut. On the girls it looks “adorable” and “art deco” and on me, it looks “crazy cat lady”.
8. Every time I get up from my booty-eating chair I say, “Oh everything hurts!”
7. Tyler Hoechlin came on Match Game tonight and I said–I shit you not, “Oh, isn’t he a good looking boy!”
6. I was afraid to use the “personal hot spot” on my phone tonight while I was using my iPad in case I “used it all up.”
5. I pulled a ginormous traffic boner tonight and my only excuse was, “Oh, that car was there?”
4. On the way to dance tonight I regaled my children with stories of–wait for it–high school marching band.
3. I realized that the old cynical bad father figure from S.E.A.L. Team is actually Ponyboy Curtis from The Outsiders–which I saw on VHS.
2. The entire soundtrack to Bumblebee was emotionally relevant to me.
1. I had an entire conversation in the pool with someone about our adult children getting on health care and how relieved we were, and we were THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE THERE.
I mean, folks? I knew the age thing coming–I just didn’t think it had already hit.
The good news?
Mate was watching a commercial about beauty products, featuring a very smug woman with silver hair smiling at herself in the mirror.
At the end of the commercial he said, “You know, the only way to not get any wrinkles is to never have any expression!”
“So the reason my eyes droop like a Bassett Hound’s is that I have expressive eyes?”
“I like your eyes.”
So there you go. Maybe–just maybe–a few wrinkles are worth it.
