The Bathroom Post

Okay… the first part of this is a bit, shall we say, scatological… if you have a problem with that, skip down, where things get a little more Freudian.

I got home from grocery shopping to the following conversation:

Mate: “So, Zoomboy went to the bathroom, and you know what he said?”

Me: “Do NOT go in there?”

Mate: “You wish. No, he said, ‘Dad–the poop is above the water!'”

Me: Blank horrified silence.

Mate: (Pulling out his camera phone) “See, I’ve got a picture.”

Me: (Now horrified on several levels) : “OH. MY. GOD.”

Mate: (A little sheepishly) : “Yeah– I’ll delete that picture right now.”

Me: “Yeah, you do that–and I’m gonna get that boy some FRUIT!”

Okay… if you got through that one, you may have an opinion on this next one. Eric, I heart you muchly, but our conversation about indoor plumbing spawned a little rant–mostly because you’re not the only one I’ve had this conversation with (my mother!), and most people are not nearly as nice as you are about it (mom, I know you’re not reading this!).

So, given that, Eric just finished giving me some notes on my Beauty and the Beast story (heretofore known as ‘Truth in the Dark’) and one of the things he made note of was, that even in a fantasy story where I make my own rules, it just didn’t seem to be fitting to have showers in the bathroom.

And I said why not? If the Egyptians had indoor plumbing, and the Romans had hot and cold running water, why would it be so out of the realm of possibility for a Victorian-style fantasy to have showers in the bathroom? After all, the technology would exist, we just didn’t place a high priority on it as a culture, right? Let’s assume, since I’m writing a fantasy, that this alternative universe had better priorities than the most of Western Civilization.

And Eric said, “Yeah, but it doesn’t really fit.”

And I said (but not to Eric, because he was doing me a favor and I really appreciate it, but this rant has been building for a long time with a lot of other people so I thought I’d make it public so I didn’t take it out on him…) that anything I write in which two people were going to be licking each other’s dangly bits was going to have a shower in it. Because, let’s face it, the odds of a shower existing in a bathroom of a fantasy world is much higher than a blowjob existing outside of that bathroom withOUT said shower. Am I right? Who’s with me? I say, let all fantasy readers make a point of accepting indoor plumbing as a given, because if this is a fantasy world, and we get to make the rules therein, INDOOR PLUMBING W/HOT AND COLD RUNNING WATER SHOULD BE ONE OF THE RULES.

So, are you guys with me? Or am I rowing the ‘shower in the bathroom’ rowboat alone?

(Or, more likely, did I completely lose you with the first part of this post?)

You know, either way, let me know…

0 thoughts on “The Bathroom Post”

  1. Chris says:

    So, it took your reaction to make Mate sheepish?! Hee hee. Boyz.

    Hmm. Maybe a bidet if the beta reader freaked about the shower? Or keep the shower and have a note before the story about "This is my damn fantasy world and people are going to be clean!"

  2. Littlewitch says:

    I watched a show on History International yesterday about Carthage and they apparently had showers in their bathrooms with hot/cold running water AND a system for running waste removal. So I'll hop in the rowboat and help you paddle. If it worked for Hannibal it works for me.

  3. Hayley says:

    i'll help you row as well. That is one of the exact reasons that I can't read historical erotica. I just can't do it, I'm a nurse, I work in a hospital, i know how smelly and nasty people can be after even a day without being immersed in water. Spit baths just don't cut it. SO no licking, touching, or even being near said dangly bits without a good scrub!

  4. Julie says:

    Hey, one of the oldest cities in the world, Mohenjo Daro, is seven thousand years old and has a sewer system built in. So you just never know. It's your fantasy, you play it out as you like.

    On a more depressing note, the long and detailed reports about the last trip to the restroom is my least favorite part of parenting. Though it is occasionally funny.

  5. Louiz says:

    I'll hop on board. How about having the characters mention that they're grateful to xxx the inventor of showers or something?!

  6. Donna Lee says:

    Keep the showers, for the love of all that is good and holy! I have a strong sense of smell and I say showers are necessary to life itself.

  7. Unknown says:

    I never said that there wouldn't be hot/cold running water, but that it would more likely be used for bathes, even in the 1800's.

  8. Lyssa says:

    I would think the difference would be in how it is described…the idea of a brass showerhead with a pull-chain that released the flow of warm water over the body would work for me, but if it seemed like the characters were stepping out of their victorian manse and into my modern bathroom would seem jarring.

  9. NeedleTart says:

    I once walked through a Victorian house (which we did not buy and subsequently burned down) that had a completely mirrored bathroom (guess that would keep the weight down) and had a multidirectional shower. The shower sort of looked like a cage and sprayed all the bits you have…..

  10. roxie says:

    But – but – bubblebaths!! Sharing one of those great old cast iron clawfoot tubs and scrubbing each other's backs and hair and dangly bits. Why a shower when you could loll in a bath and thorougly soak your – ah – bunions?

    There is a great old-fashoined hot ceral called "Zoom." Very high in fiber. Zoomboy's eponimous breakfast. (cook up a big pot of it, stick it into the fridge, and nuke a bowlful every day. Add applesauce, raisins, cinnamon, bananas, molasses, honey, whatever will appeal to the lad.)

    Mate took a photo? A photo? Like you couldn't use your imagination? A photo for crysakes? And then did he do a mathematical soulution and work it out with a pencil?

  11. Galad says:

    I always suspend my disbelief when I read fantasy, so why not a shower? Roxie does make the bath sound pretty awesome though. Either way, I'm voting for clean 🙂

  12. Bath. Shower. Whatever. It's all wet in the end… 🙂

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