The Bottom Five


So I wasn’t doing much today– or rather I was busy but I didn’t care who saw me.

Walk the dogs, go to the post office, pick up the kids, go grocery shopping, cook dinner– that sort of thing.

Nevertheless, I did draw the line at that one wardrobe item…

I mean, battered T-shirts–yes.

Gym shorts that double as parachute pants? Why not.

There’s always the three identical sets of capris that need to be pulled up from the middle of the waistband ala Kung Fu Panda, at least three times every five minutes. Sure. IDGAF.

But the backless white gym shirt that hugs my white-bread-and-sugar belly, shows off my Hawaiian flowered bra, and reads “Better Sore Than Sorry!”

THERE’S where I draw the line.

The thing is… it’s brand new.

I’ve NEVER worn it.

But getting the urge–and then quickly losing it before even the dogs could see me–made me wonder.

Hey– why did I decide to buy that anyway?

I mean, we ALL have wardrobe brainfarts, right? Who among us has not shelled out $60 for a dress only to have your husband wash it with something red so that we can never wear it again because dammit, the Tardis was not MEANT to be a gentle blue-tinged pink.

Okay– that example may be a wee bit specific.

I’m just saying– with great wardrobe freedom comes great opportunities to buy something we wish we’d not.

I mean, I have an entire era of shirts that have tacky jewelry sewn into the front bib because that was the thing then. I can’t bear to give them away because they’re barely worn, but I can’t really wear them NOW because they make me feel like my grandmother. And, let’s face it, that one tank top is my favorite and I’m never giving it up, ever, I adore it, you’ll pry it out of my cold dead hands.

But you all know those clothes–the clothes we’ll never wear but we’re embarrassed/can’t bear to part with?

The pants that keep falling down and no belt will tame them?

The white organza beach wear that will show every dimple in my ass as well as my purple flowered granny panties?

The adorable rustic overall dress that hugs my belly just a tad tightly when I sit down?

The what-was-I-thinking Goth Lace dress that doesn’t work with a single bra I own?

C’mon, folks–I”m baring my closet to you here. It’s your turn.

What are YOUR fashion regrets?

0 thoughts on “The Bottom Five”

  1. JoMo says:

    That blue-that-doesn’t-suit-me shirt that looks okay when I’m standing tall and front on in the mirror at home, BUT then I see myself in all my stooped and potbellied glory in a shop window in town.

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