Here are some highlights– enjoy!
Me: Did you get some food?
ZB: Yeah–I had three pieces of chicken. And some orange chicken. All of the orange chicken. And some noodles. About half the noodles. Anyway–I ate.
Me: 0.0 That was a quart of orange chicken!
Mate: Oh dear God.
Me: This is what feeding a growth spurt looks like.
Mate: He’s gonna be gigantic.
I woke up this morning surrounded by small dogs and a pissed off cat. I’m like, “It’s the Chi-who-what mafia! And Steve’s their moll!” Okay– so I woke up and thought that and it was probably way funnier when I opened my eyes than it was in real life. But I literally rolled out of bed and took pictures. Hello.
Mate and I, watching Jurassic Kingdom–
Mate: You recognize that guy without the mustache?
Me: Oh yeah.
Mate: What’s his name again?
Me: Judging by his part, it’s Kibble.
And I need to give this next bit context, otherwise I’m not sure it will make sense.
When I was in high school, in drama, I once got partnered with the cutest guy in school to help him do a makeup assignment. He was like “Cool! Amy! She’s good at drama! I’ll do great!”
I was like, “HEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ERK!”
Because he’s the CUTEST GUY IN SCHOOL, right?
Squish is about as liberal as a 12 YO can get. You all know that. She loves my friends, loved Pride, is reading that Rainbow Rowell Drarry book where the two guys kiss and wants to read more. Rainbow flag– that is our Squish.
So, as we were sitting at the movies, waiting for Mate and ZB to come back with the snacks, two guys came past us to sit in the middle. They were on a DATE. How did I know they were on a date? It was 11 in the morning, ninety-five degrees outside, they were wearing SUPER TIGHT jeans, loafers, dress shirts, goop in their hair, and they smelled really good.
They were about 18 and cute as hell–just adorable. I wanted to pinch their cheeks and wish them the best. The mom in me was like, “Oh, you’re so sweet guys! Have fun! Enjoy the movie!” but of course I didn’t do that because I want my own children to maintain their will to live. (Yes, I feel like this about adorable straight couples and adorable lesbian couples– it’s a mom thing. You hope they’ve got a mom at home, wishing them happiness. Can’t explain it.)
Anyway, Squish got weird. She blushed. She moved in so her brother was closer to the guys. I was at a loss. After the movie I was like, “What in the hell? Honey! You’ve been around LGBTQ all your life–“
“But MOM! They were so CUTE!”
And then I got it. It wasn’t phobia. It was being twelve and being near cute guys. And not that I advocate being weird around people, but I have to admit, being weird about and around cute boys was inherited honestly from yours truly. Sorry, Squishy. Enjoy dating in the future–it’s gonna be a HOOT.
And finally, the Amy-No! sweater.
Now, I’m sure none of you will believe this but I used to have quite a temper–and I used to scuffle pretty regularly. Teachers, peers, online. Sometimes I’d just be spoiling for a fight.
I’ve learned better over the last fifteen years–and in the last five or so have worked REALLY hard– to be as kind as I know how to be.
But it’s hard–you all know it’s hard– in this political climate.
So, I started the Amy-No! sweater.
Amy no! You can’t write that book you’ve been planning for years, it’s not what’s on your queue!
Amy no! Don’t reply back to that really toxic person on line!
Amy no! You CAN’T LET THE DEMONS OUT TODAY!
Amy no! You can’t mix a thousand different colors of wool in one piece of cloth–FUCK OFF! I’LL DO WHATEVER I WANT!
So there you have it. Social media frustration channelled into a serviceable garment. It just needs a sleeve, a collar, and some REALLY bright buttons.
Amy YES! Put that thing away or it will blind us!
*tsk tsk* Some people just can’t face the brilliant emotional palette of a suppressed redhead.
But that’s okay. *I* like it!