Cat: Mom!
Me: Yeah?
Cat: Mom!
Me: What?
Cat: Mom!
Me: Oh my God–
Cat: It’s wet outside!
Me: Cat, you’re wet!
Cat: I’m wet!
Me: Stop touching me!
Cat: Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!
Me: Here–if you would just stand sti–
Cat: LET ME USE YOUR ANKLES AS A TOWEL!
Me: You’re sopping!
Cat: Oh, that’s much better! Wet food!
Me: No, you just had some–
Cat: Don’t make me slime you again.
Me: Fine! Just–
Cat: That was delicious. You know what would chase that down just right?
Me: God no–
Cat: Birds. I’m gonna go outside and see if there’s any birds in the rain.
Me *weakly*: Fine, you do that.
Dogs: Mom!
Me: I don’t want to hear–
Dogs: Mom!
Me: Fine, what?
Dogs: It’s WET outside!
Me: We’ve established that.
Dogs: It’s wet outside and we have to PEE!
Me: Well, you know. Go outside and do your thing. No one will ever know.
Dogs: But it’s WET outside! What do we look like, the CAT?
Cat: Hey boys.
Dogs: AUGH! IT’S WET! *runs away*
Cat: Don’t mind me… I’m just gonna sit on Mom’s chest like this–
Me: AUGH! LET ME MOVE MY KNITTING!
Cat: And now I’m gonna lick my butthole.
Me: So this is my life now.
Cat: Don’t think of picking up your knitting.
Me: Wouldn’t dream of it.
Cat: Could you scratch a little harder? Right there… on my shoulder…
Me: As you wish.
Cat: Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…..
