Mate: I am surrounded by dogs.
Me: They’re like big furry fireflies. It must be magical to be you.
Mate: So magical.
* * *
Squish, barging into the bathroom by mistake. I am there, and so is Steve the cat, and Geoffie and Gibbs, the smollest of smol dogs.
“Oh. Sorry.” *looks at all the animals* “I didn’t realize it was a party.”
* * *
Mate: Did you get your coffee?
Me: Well, that depends on what you want to call it.
Mate: Looks like rat poison.
Me: That’s what I call it.
* * *
Mate is moving our old box springs out of our room, because we have bought new ones.
Mate: Do you hear that?
Me: What is that ungodly racket?
Mate: That’s the broken coils in the middle of the springs!
Me: Weren’t those supposed to be nine inch box springs?
Mate: Yup.
Me: What are they now?
Mate: About six and a half.
Me: Aint that always the way.
* * *
Mate, after my nap: So, how was the bed?
Me: It was amazing. I woke up in the same place I went to sleep.
Kids: Didn’t you do that before?
Mate: No. Going to bed was a game of Broken Mattress: Tokyo Drift.
Kids: So you don’t drift anymore?
Me: We’ll have to see tonight. If I get to bed and he’s still on his side of the bed, it was all the box springs. If I get to bed and he’s in the middle, it’s all him.
* * *
And finally…
Squish: Mom!
Me: What!
Squish: The dogs! They can’t jump on the bed anymore! They have to vault off the clothes!
Mate: *rubs hands together* Excellent… now all I have to do is finish folding clothes and my plan is complete….
