Things I Learned at the San Francisco Academy of Science

We went today with my parents–Goddess love them lots and lots because it was a splendid day. We learned about the earth and lemurs and lizards and rain forests and bugs… you know, the usual.

We also learned a couple of unusual things–and I thought I’d share:

* We learned if a kid is given a light-up floor and cartoon bugs, he will run around in the same room for an hour without admitting to be tired.

* We learned that, according to the very nice lady who stopped and told me so, that my version of the Doors ‘Break on Through’ is apparently the best diaper changing song EVER!

* We learned that, if a praying mantis strokes a female very softly with his antennae, she might possibly let him live after sex.

* We DECIDED that human men have known this for years.

* We learned that if we give my mom a cookie, she will gladly pay for dinner. (We plan to bring lots of cookies for our next outings.)

* We learned that telling my daughter that the Yarn Harlot’s new book was “so funny that she would have made me wet myself, except I was reading on the potty so I skipped a step,” will make her spit milk out her nose.

* We learned that repeating that story to my mom while my daughter is in the room STILL makes her spit milk out her nose.

* We learned not to abuse this power, because Chicken has learned to slug us hard in the arm.

* We learned that the planetarium, as awesome as it may be, does NOT have interactive seats like some of the Disney shows, and if we feel a movement underneath our knees, it’s because Ladybug has escaped her seat by Grandpa and her sister and is presently crawling under the knees of complete strangers because SHE THINKS THEY’RE MOM!!!

* We learned that Big T will do anything to keep his little brother awake if he thinks we’ll drive right by Denny’s if he’s sleeping. (My mom promised that we’d wake the Cave Troll up, so he got his nap after all.)

* We learned that ordering anything besides french fries and a milkshake for two tired kids when you’re at Denny’s is absolutely useless.

* We learned to apply this next time, because after forking over all of HER fries, Mommy was still hungry.

* We learned that Ladybug snores loud enough to wake the dead when she falls asleep in her carseat so hard that her head flops forward.

* We learned that buying a dinosaur book at the gift store is NEVER a waste of money, even if the kids don’t want to calm down and listen to it out on the picnic spot.

* We learned that Grandma still has superpowers that can get a tired kid to the car when he REALLY thinks he’s too tired to make it.

* We remembered that our childhood was pretty damned awesome, and that we’re glad we had kids so we could share.