This One Time, in Korea…

 Second of all, I have the YouTube clip of the Fireside Chat with Rhys Ford, Charlie Cochet, and I.  The lovely Ariel Tachna moderated, and, if you watch very carefully, you may be able to watch Zoomboy plot a murder in the background.  Apparently he executed one too, and we’re going to watch the fly population very carefully in case there’s some retaliation in that quarter.

So this week was sort of an anomaly– we call it “President’s week” which means that the kids stay home, the teachers have inservice days, and the parents go, “Qua d’fuc?”  Honestly?  I felt a little bad.  I mean Mate actually had Monday off, and hence The Lego Movie, but for the rest of the week, I had work to do.

However, that didn’t stop me with the big kids and it didn’t stop me this go round.  I took some time off work (or, rather, stayed up really late all week) and spent one day taking the kids to the zoo and another day taking them to the book store.  Of course, the other two days they were on their own, but still, three days out of five to have an activity isn’t bad.  (They barely survived.  My youngest two spawn will self-anihilate if given too much unmedicated time in each other’s presence.  Trust me on this.  It is fact.)  But anyway, we went to the zoo, and much hilarity ensued.

The amphibians are unusually active today.

For starters, there was the reptile house– which was fun.  The amphibians were really active– which, coincidentally, is exactly what I texted to Mary Calmes:  The amphibians are really active today.  


And two seconds later, I checked my Twitter feed, (because I can only watch a giant boa constrictor breathe for so many minutes before I need a shiny squirrel)  and there was this picture here:

Yes, I am aware that turtles aren’t amphibians, but you can’t deny, the timing was impeccable.

Steve Lemurs

Anyway, that had me in giggle fits, and so did the following clowder of lemurs, which my kids dubbed, “Steve lemurs”.  Because, well, they were black and white like Steve the cat.  And because the lot of them wandered around playing, “Can I sleep in the box?” and “Empty? Empty? Empty?” and “My stomach needs more sunlight!”  All of which, as you may have guessed, are Steve the cat’s favorite games.  So, there you have it.  Steve lemurs.

This one time in Korea…

And then, there was the highlight of any visit to the zoo if Zoomboy is present, and that was the primate cages.  For some reason the orangutans weren’t feeling sociable, and the poor cancer ridden tiger was pretty much into pissing on people and walking away.  But the chimpanzees were in fine form– they just got fed.  So there was lots of talking, and sitting on rocks and reminiscing, and there they were, the old grizzled veterans of the primate cage, eating dry carrots and letting the remnants drop out of their mouths.  For some reason, I was reminded of Damon Suede’s accounting of retired firefighters sitting in a bar, telling old war stories.  “This one time, in Korea…”  (Imagine smoke roughened voice and bitter sneer–acted by, but not actually possessed by Damon himself.)  So anyway, there was the big ugly, angry monkey (and again, I know not a monkey!) snarling, “This one time, in Korea…”  And I guess you can fill in the rest.

Communing with the missing orangutans.

And in addition to the primates, we got to see the snow leopard.  Now, the first time by the snow leopard’s cage, the rather stand-offish asshole didn’t show, but the second time round, oh, he was there.

He was there peeing and looking at us and sneering, and he was there pretending to pounce and then rolling his eyes at us and thinking, “Psyche, assholes, psyche!”

I, of course, was the snarky, bloodthirsty mother, but I was forced to mingle with the good mothers.  One of them was going, “Look what a beautiful kitty!  Do you think he’ll play with the mouse and let it go?”

At the same time, I was offering up my own commentary to my children in the form of “Get it! Get the thing! Drink its blood, bite it’s head, get it get it get it get it get it!”

Bite its head!

*aherm*  I identify way too much with that snow leopard.  I really do.

Anyway– so there you have it, a trip to the zoo, followed by a trip to the bookstore wherein the entertainment for the next couple of days was purchased, and after yesterday (gymnastics and a trip out for lunch) they were ready for an underwear day.  Zoomboy actually dropped hot burrito filling on his bare torso– methinks underwear days may soon be a thing of the past.  There’s an object lesson in everything, am I right?

Including consumerism– because as we walked into the gift store after the zoo, I was immediately taken with those creepy, candy colored stuffed animals with the outrageously big eyes.  That seemed to follow me.  I knew that Squish would want one (and she did) and I was more than grateful that she picked a smaller one, and a lemur.

I have never been so very afraid.

Because if I’d brought home one of these babies, the turtle-porn videos I’ve been getting on FaceBook would never, ever, ever stop.  *shudder*.  I’m telling you… there are unsuspected horrors in that area.  I shit you unit.

And, since I can’t remember whether or not I’ve talked about my heinous traffic boner (I’m thinking yes, but that might have just been on Twitter) I think I shall leave you with this.  It’s extremely adorable and very amusing, and for those people who mistakenly tune in for fiber content, it may keep the yarn constipation from beginning.

I know it certainly got my yarn moving in certain directions!  Enjoy!