Okay–I’m at the part of Bitter Moon where I’ll be sitting at my keyboard sobbing, someone will ask me if I’m okay and I look up, dazed, and nod, angry that I’ve been pulled away from the thing that ripped my heart out.
Don’t ask. I’m not giving away spoilers.
But the house is falling to crap and the children are running fair-isle (it’s a Harlot joke, but a good one!) and when I surface from my dive into the alternate land of the three moons, I am frequently overwhelmed by the to-do list of just being a human mother of four. Would you like to see my to-do list? I warn you–it’s scary and a little graphic, but here it is:
1. Clean the bathroom.
2. No time to clean the bathroom, nag one of the kids to clean the bathroom.
3. Remember to nag kids to clean the bathroom now that I’ve asked them to do it.
4. Remember to water to lawn.
5. Read…I should be reading. Good writers always read. What should I be reading?
6. Remember to find book.
7. Clean off the table.
8. Clean off the table after I check my e-mail, check my book-stats, and blog.
9. Find camera to blog.
10. I can’t find camera–maybe it’s on the table.
11. Shouldn’t the table be clean by now?
12. Pick kid’s clothes off the table.
13. Remember to go potty.
14. Throw kid’s clothes in the hall pile.
15. Remember to do laundry.
16. Go to the bathroom.
17. Trip on the laundry monster on the way to the bathroom.
18. Stop at the laundry monster and start folding.
19. Don’t just fold, dammit–you have to plot your book while you do something this mindless.
20. Did I remember to add that detail about Torrant?
21. What about that detail about Trieste?
22. Did I add the narrative overlay for every part?
23. Did I go back and count parts?
24. Did I remember to go to the bathroom? Eventually I’ll have to go to the bathroom…
25. What’s that smell? Did I forget that Ladybug went to the bathroom.
26. Change the baby’s diaper…somebody? Please?
27. Find diapers in cyclone disaster site known as kids’ room.
28. HOLY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL?
29. Change their sheets…
30. Do kids’ laundry, dammit–didn’t I just think that?
31. Okay, doing laundry. Oh shit!
32. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY LET THE DOG OUT!
33. Okay, dog’s all gone. That’s good. Doing laundry.
34. Did I mention that thing about Eljean?
35. What was that character’s name?
36. Must ask Eric to make sure the name’s sync on the next read through.
37. And while I’m in the garage, I should get a soda.
38. BIG T, COME CLEAN UP THE DOG CRAP IN FRONT OF THE GARAGE REFRIGERATOR!!!
39. Okay, laundry moving. Now to add basket to the laundry monster.
40. OMG–DID YOU GUYS HAVE TO KNOCK ALL THE FOLDED CLOTHES INTO THE CLEAN PILE AGAIN!!!
41. What do you mean you’re hungry? OH. Well, I guess it’s time to eat.
42. Why aren’t the dishes done. WILL SOMEBODY DO THE DISHES?
43. I know you did them yesterday. My question is, DID YOU EAT TODAY?
44. Okay, well, will you eat today after I cook?
45. Nevermind, I’ll do the fucking dishes. (Thanks Mate, btw, who did them today. Love Mate.)
46. Oh, gees, my hands are in the soapy water, and I haven’t gone to the bathroom.
47. EVERYBODY OUT OF MY WAY, SHE’S GONNA BLOW!!!
48. Dammit, hasn’t anyone cleaned the bathroom yet?
49. Well, at least I found my book…
50. Mmmm… good book…
51. Oh yeah… lunch. After you brush your teeth. And floss your teeth. And hand me the toilet paper. Good Ladybug–thanks for the toilet paper baby…now can I get up?
52. Lunch. Thank heavens, lunch is working.
53. And my computer is nearby–let me just check my e-mail and my book stats and start writing…
54. Lunch is done…
55. Kids are playing in the laundry monster…
56. I guess the mildew won’t take over the bathroom today…
57. Ladybug needs another change? Bring me your diaper, baby, mom’s on a roll…
58. Just got another e-mail…
59. Replied to it…
60. And now I can write.
61. I’ll take blog pictures later today…
62. As soon as the bathroom is clean…
63. And the laundry monster is vanquished…
64. And lunch is finished…
65 and the kids are asleep…
66. And I’ve sat down with my knitting…
67. And woken up from my nap.
*whew* Just imagine what I can do after lunch!
68. WAKE UP FROM NAP GOING “OH SHIT, DID I JUST LEAVE THE WATER ON?”
69. Make one of the kids turn it off.
70. Go back to sleep.
Ah, lists! Maybe you should make that a meme.
New on my list: Fridays – post.
Oh dear one, I am SO with you! Sometimes the world we walk in is so ureal because the one we are creating takes over.
Ok – I’m exhausted just reading the list. You need a nap after all of that!
Lists – I love lists – and then give them to people – saying ‘this is your list of chores – do them’
I’m going to Limbo too -we virtuous non-believers can take knitting, chocolate and ice cream!
I only make lists at work because at home everyone will just laugh at them. At work I am efficient. I Get Things Done. At home, I am not so efficient. Things Get Done In Their Own Time. And strangely I’m ok with that. Must be getting old….